Week Three: The Ceiling Came Down

After two weeks of resting my foot, I was still going to the gym four days a week. I would wear the walking boot and not do anything that put pressure on my right foot. After each visit though, my foot was aching so much that I couldn't wait to get home and tear the boot off. I tried giving up seated leg exercises, but I was still in pain. I wasn't sure if the boot was causing the pain, or having any weight on my foot was doing it. 

I didn't want to waste any of these 6 weeks trying to figure it out, so I decided to take a break from the gym and completely rest my foot. I am doing floor leg exercises and my dumbells at home, but that's it.  

But there is still the weight issue. More Googling and it looks like the people that primarily go to the podiatrist for Posterior Tibial Tendonitis are runners and overweight middle-aged women. Guess what category I fall into? After two weeks of eliminating sweets, treats, fast food, and soda, there has been no weight loss.

I firmly decided at the beginning of this week that I had enough and was going to lose this weight. What is the point of resting my foot, only to re-injure it as soon as all this weight is applied back onto it? I wondered why the podiatrist didn't suggest losing weight to avoid surgery, since it is listed as one of the contributing causes. By Wednesday I dropped 3 1/2 pounds just by letting go of a small amount of what I had been consuming. I felt a bit light-headed, but I have experienced that before when starting a diet. I figured I'm going through a bit of a detox and my body is reacting to less calories.

I didn't feel cravings for anything bad to eat. The cravings are usually my downfall.  I felt different, not obsessed with losing weight, but comfortably leaning into it. I also haven't been thinking about food incessantly like I used to. I have been able to go hours without wanting something to eat. I know this may sound ridiculous to most, but it really was a problem for me. I thought back to my Reiki, chakra balancing, and reflexology massage at the Integrative Healing Institute, and wondered how it impacted how I was feeling. Kim Krost did do some lymphatic draining on my right leg, which can cause weight loss. Could this have had such an impact on my body?

I had a day where I considered not wearing the boot anymore. It seemed to be causing me pain when I wore it for just a few minutes. I tried just using my sneakers with the orthotics and my foot was not in pain. It felt a bit weak, but I would make sure I was thoughtful in my steps, walking the way Gary Ramsey taught me, from my heel to the outside of my foot, to the ball of my foot, instead of the usual walking on the inside of my arch. After a day I had regret that maybe I would hurt it, since overall my foot was definitely feeling better. So I'm wearing the boot when I'm walking, and I take it off whenever I sit down or use my knee scooter. I also cancelled my 3 week podiatry check up. I'm deciding whether to give this doctor another try in 6 weeks, or find someone else. 

So now about the ceiling. We had a leak in the roof almost two years ago. It ended up leaking right into the ceiling in my office. We had the roof patched back then, and things seemed fine. We had some rain this past week and the leak came back even more furiously. The textured ceiling came down right onto my chair. Do I think this was just a coincidence in all of this foot drama? Of course not, I see meaning in everything. I know that leaks and plumbing issues are a symbol for something internal, just about every issue you can have in your home is really about yourself. Most everything that occurs is really just life holding up a mirror to yourself, to show you something you need to see. I now see a parallel between the roof leaking two years ago and the naming of my car Jophiel, along with the subsequent craving for yellow (both about my third chakra issues). I wish I would have seen all of this sooner. So, what does a leaking roof mean? Here's a few I found:

• Water represents the flow of our emotions, so a leaky roof could mean feeling emotionally overwhelmed.
• In Feng Shui it can indicate health issues, specifically blood flow in the body.
• A leaky roof can also mean that any negativity in the home is releasing.
• Water is also associated with our career or journey. It can mean career or life path could be unchecked, all over the place, or there's lack of direction or focus. 

For me, I know had been feeling exhausted emotionally and physically. Since this was happening in the room that I work in, I also believe it has to do with my career path. Overall I see that my third chakras issues were showing me that I needed to take care of myself before everything (the ceiling) caved in. I need to contemplate this more, so I will of course meditate, meditate, and meditate some more. 

I'm still using the massager twice a day, taking epsom salt baths, meditating, and grounding myself while using my chakra stones as Kim taught me. I still need to use the sage sticks to clear my aura too, I'll incorporate them next week. I'm relaxing, writing daily in my gratitude journal, reading, and working on my businesses instead of worrying, doing too much, and stressing. It all feels good.

By Sunday to start my fourth week, I'm down 5 1/2 pounds.I know this is quite a bit in a week, but it is my first week. I'm also not really dieting, not counting calories, I'm listening to my body for the first time in, well, forever. It is easier this way, I'm not feeling deprived, I'm feeling in balance.

Until next week...

In Gratitude & Love,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com

FLOATing Into Fifty

Over the past couple of years, I've made it a tradition to do something special for myself for my birthday. I love going out of my way on birthdays for the people I love, and I realized I needed to include myself as well. This year is a big one for me, so I wanted to do something really different.

This year I decided to try floating! FLOAT offers pods that are essentially sensory deprivation chambers. I have heard of these for awhile, and when I found there was a place to go to in San Antonio, I knew I wanted to try it to celebrate my half century. Before I went, I meditated, prayed and chose an oracle card from Sonia Choquette's Ask Your Guides Deck. Before I choose a card. I usually ask for my spirit guides to show me what it is they want me to know for the day. This day I asked for a message about my upcoming FLOAT experience. I wanted to know who I might connect with during that experience. When I pick a card, the deck is face down and after shuffling I hear a number so that I know which one to pick. If I hear 5 for example, then it is the 5th card from the top to pull. Everyone uses these decks different ways, but this is how it works for me. The card I picked was "Solitude," so appropriate for this experience. The spirit guide connecting with me was my owner Higher Spirit. 

I said a prayer in the car for a good experience and headed on my way. The pods are filled with ten inches of water and up to 1,200 pounds of Epsom salt. I love me an Epsom salt bath, but I've never used enough to make me float, maybe only a cup or two! But even that small amount of salt relaxes and recharges me, and releases the negative junk in my auric field. I was a little concerned about the salt level. One time I tried a five pound bag of Himalayan sea salt in my bath and I felt so yucky after it. It was serious detox and dehydration. I didn't know what to expect with this, but I took a giant bottle of water with me just in case.

I had a choice between an i-sopod or a Zero Gravity Suite, which is less claustrophobic. I really wanted the full experience, so I opted for the i-sopod. I arrived at FLOAT and was soon greeted by Meredith, who was so kind and informative. She showed me to the dressing room and bathroom. It had lockers, two mirrors, chairs, and tables filled with lotion, combs, hair dryers, curling irons, hairspray, and more for after floating. I took everything off, and put on one of their soft, comfy robes. They had flip flops too, but I usually trip over myself, so I walked barefoot to the next room.

Meredith led me to a small room with three massage chairs. The room was dark and peaceful. I chose my chair, sat down and Meredith started the chair in motion. I relaxed for fifteen minutes while gentle waves were projected on the walls, "stars" and "moon" were overhead on the dark ceiling, while sounds of nature chirped throughout. I felt like I was on a camping adventure, well maybe more glamping since I was in such a high tech massage chair! But it was very relaxing. This was not your regular nail salon chair. It had rollers at my feet, kneading my heels, all the way up through the balls of my feet. The leg rests periodically squeezed my legs and ankles, as did the arm rests atop my hands. Every once in awhile, after the rollers went down and up my spine to my neck, the sides would squeeze my shoulders together. It was awesome!

After the massage, Meredith brought me to my room (pod #5). The sound-proof room was small, and the pod was big! There was room to hang my robe, a small table with ear plugs and vaseline (to keep out the sting of the salt if I had any open cuts). In the corner was a shower with shower gel, shampoo and conditioner. Everything was provided for, which made it convenient not to have to pack a bag for this, other than some makeup. Meredith told me to shower first (they don't want oils or anything in the pod). She showed me where the latch was inside the lid of the pod for when I needed to open it. She said to keep it closed as much as possible to keep the temperature as it should be. It is supposed to be the same temperature as our skin.

Meredith opened the pod and it was lit in blue. The water was clear. I don't know why, but I expected it to be thick and salty looking, but it wasn't at all. Inside on the left was a button to push to turn the blue light off when I was ready for darkness. She said for awhile I would see light from the room peeking through the seams of the pod lid until the room light went off. The floating experience also starts with calming music, but that fades away too. On the right inside the pod, was a button to push if I needed any help (a panic button I thought, that I hoped I wouldn't need!).

She talked about ways to relax, breathing, how to rest my arms - she suggested placing them over my head to open up and relax more. She showed me a flotation ring for my head, hung on the wall, that I could use if needed. She said the head seems to be the last thing to relax. I can understand that, since tension always seems to show itself in my head and neck.

I was ready to roll, so Meredith left the room and I was on my way to my sixty minute adventure (they have 90 minute sessions too)! I took a quick shower and hopped in the pod. I closed the lid over me, layed down in the water and was floating instantly! The music was peaceful, as was the blue light. It was ethereal. I looked around briefly and noticed a decent amount of room in the pod to feel comfortable. It was warm. I really prefer to feel cool and breathe in cool air. That wasn't happening here, and I started worrying myself that I'd overheat or panic. It wasn't that hot, I was just overthinking. I turned the light off. Breathe, breathe, breathe. 

It was really fascinating to be floating in this unique experience. When the room light went out, it was so dark I couldn't see any difference with my eyes opened or closed.   My neck hurt. I had been to the gym in the morning and it was already sore, but I must not have been relaxing it completely. I had to pop the lid to get the neck support. Dang. I wish I had brought it in with me. I opened the lid and grabbed the ring and got back in. It was nice to get a little bit of cool air.

I settled back down, turned the light off again, and not too long after, the room light went out again. I prayed. I asked to connect to God, my spirit guides, my higher self. Everything started to look red. I don't know if it was from my blood pumping harder. At times I could feel my pulse beating in my ears. I didn't use the earplugs, I really wanted to feel everything. But the beat was really loud at times. I know how hokey this sounds, but you know I'm going to say it anyway...I saw the face of Jesus. I often see flashes of people, places and objects when I meditate. I have not been able to slow down the images enough to put together the meaning. This time I saw his face, large, just for a brief moment. After that I saw this jumbled mass of red and dark. It was kind of like a lava lamp, but more in the shape of a cloud.  In the mass, small faces appeared and receded. It was creepy and a little scary. It didn't feel like good energy. I prayed to Archangel Michael to clear it. Breathe, relax, breathe.

Off and on I could hear my heartbeat loudly in my head and at one point I heard a really loud sound that made me jump.  It's a sound-proof room, so I don't know what it was, but it jarred me for a second. It could have been from my own body, as my ears were under the water and the sound is amplified. They recommend eating an hour or so before the float so stomach sounds aren't distracting, so it could have been digestion in progress!

I struggled with the heat in the beginning, but I really wanted to stay in the pod for the full hour, so I just did it. I knew it really wasn't anything that would hurt me, I just needed to get used to it. I had a conversation with a friend of mine the night before the float, and she said she wouldn't be able to do it because she had an unexpected panic attack just getting an MRI. That vision popped in my head, and my heart beat faster. I let it go quickly. Breathe, breathe, breathe. 

I relaxed as I would when I meditate. The head rest was a huge help. Every once in awhile it felt like my shoulders were scrunching up, so I put my arms over my head as Meredith suggested. It felt much better. When my eyes were closed, and I relaxed more, I felt myself  moving. It felt like I was floating on a calm sea..at night...with no sharks. The music came back on when my time was up, it seemed like it all went by so fast. 

I popped the pod back open and showered again, dried off and put on my robe. After I opened the door and walked down the hallway, Meredith was there to bring me back to the changing room. I felt peaceful as I got dressed and dried my hair. Meredith had mentioned that I could go to a sitting area to relax as long as I wanted to after, so I did. It was a room with couches, coloring books, water, kombucha to purchase (which I did!), and tea. As I grabbed some water, Meredith and I chatted about my experience. I told her I didn't get to the spiritual place I wanted to, but I felt good and know that if I tried it a few more times, I would be able to relax as I do when I meditate. She said it usually takes a few sessions to relax as well. She also suggested maybe a 90 minute session might be better for me and I agreed. It really does go fast, and I think more time would be ideal. I also think I might try the Zero Gravity Suite and see if I feel better about the warmth in that environment.

I grabbed some locally made kombucha and walked to the entrance to pay for my float. Meredith had stepped out, so I was able to meet one of the owners Jeremy Jacob. He was just as kind and helpful, and rounded out a great new experience. Aside my quest to transcend my body and connect with spirit, this experience was relaxing, good for my joints and muscles, peaceful, and a welcome break from social media, news, and sensory overload.  I will definitely float again and continue to let go, relax, and breathe. 

For more information and a virtual tour:
FLOAT: http://www.floatsa.com/

In Gratitude & Love,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com

Magic And Deepak Chopra

Oh the joy of being able to see one of your spiritual heroes in person! The first time I met Deepak Chopra was in 2015 and I was so looking forward to seeing him again. 

As I always do, I prayed in my car on the drive to the venue. I expressed my gratitude and prayed for a sense of calm and peace when I would met Deepak at the meet and greet. I asked for a lovely evening and to remain fully present. I do this to practice gratitude, to remember my spirit, and acknowledge the fact that I (and all of us) are always supported by the universe. When I am in this state of recognition, magical things always happen too. I don't expect anything, other than knowing that all will be well, and that is more than enough. The truth is, the magic is always there for all of us, but living in a state of gratitude makes you more aware of it.

I arrived at the Tobin Center early, and parked in a small lot that I've used before. I got out and saw half of the lot closed off. There was a police officer there, so I asked if I could park where I was. He said no, they were using it for valet service that evening, but I could park right across the street. He pointed to a spot in front of a construction sign, just behind a row of parking meters, and before a fire hydrant. He said I would be plenty of feet away from the hydrant. I walked back to my car and saw a butterfly at my feet. Butterflies are always a beautiful sign for me, I always thing of Dr. Wayne Dyer, and I know good things are to come. Magic.

The kind officer didn't know my rudimentary parking skills, and when I drove to the spot across from where he was standing, I chickened out and drove around the corner. I came back around, and while he was standing in the street. I rolled down my window and smiled "I got scared," I laughed. "I saw that!" He smiled and assured me again that it was fine to park there. So over to the same spot I went, grateful and trusting in the universe. A free parking spot for the night...magic!

I walked around the corner to the entrance of the Tobin Center, and was able to walk into the vestibule to wait until they opened the doors. There was an older woman waiting too, so I said hello and we chatted a bit (I'll call her Lois for this story). Soon her companion, who I'll call Shawn, joined her and we all continued to chat. It was interesting listening to them. Lois was talking about past events she had been to and wanted to know what to expect at this meet and greet. I told her how it went the last time I met him and she seemed surprised that there wasn't more to it. I was pretty happy just to meet him. I have been to smaller meet and greets that are more intimate, but Deepak is widely known, so I consider him visiting our city quite a treat. She was prepared, really prepared. She brought Sharpies, tape, a journal for her friend, and had actually printed photos of Deepak for him to sign. She reached into the folder in her handbag and told me she had extras and gave me one! Magic! 

Shawn mentioned that we shouldn't have Deepak personalize what he signs because it's not as valuable. He planned to sell if afterwards. Admittedly, my eyes rolled in my mind when he said that. They both talked about other events they've gone to and how they couldn't get elbow room where they sat and this time one of them had an end seat. They were contemplating how this would be tonight. I started thinking about my choice of seating, I purposely picked the center of the first row, just to be as close as I could be. It seemed like a great idea! There were aspects of this woman that so reminded me of me, the times when I got so caught up in being in control of how things would be, instead of just enjoying the moment and letting the universe take over. After all, as Deepak's book says: You Are The Universe, so why not expect it all to be great?! I don't mean any of this as a judgement, because in each of them, I saw me. Even Shawn with his interpretation of value. It's not good or bad, and it's all my perception of the evening, theirs would be totally different, as would someone observing the three of us. They both offered a reflection of some aspect of myself, and I appreciated it, and them.

When we were finally allowed into the venue, I walked up to the book table, picked up You Are The Universe, and paid for it straight away, no line. Magic! Then I started to walk towards the door where the meet and greet was. A woman was slightly ahead of me, and she seemed shy and stopped to let me go. I told her to go ahead. We walked down a small, dark hallway and when we reached the end, we were the first in line! Magic! 

Lois and Shawn were soon behind me and Lois was frantically trying to figure out how everyone would take photos of each other, she was organizing and contemplating and organizing some more. I was reminded again of how many times I've tried to make the experience "perfect," but things have been much better when I let it happen. I still picture things in my mind, and honestly, the reality is usually quite close or better. You know that whole law of attraction thing, it really does work. Expect the best always. But, it's ok for me now if it doesn't work out that way, which is a big improvement for me.

I offered to take some photos for the quiet woman in front of me, but as soon as I stepped out to help, there were two people assisting at the event to do that for all of us. It was a really kind gesture, and it made things so much easier to spend a moment to ourselves with Deepak Chopra. The gentleman who took the photos on our cameras was super generous, giving all of us almost a dozen photos each! Magic!

The first time I met Deepak two years ago, I thanked him for introducing my son to meditation through his 21-day meditation series with Oprah Winfrey. I gave him a t-shirt I had made with sanskrit writing for "I am love," and I told him that's what he was. I also asked him for a quick selfie together and he obliged!  This time I approached the table and told him that I had the honor to meet him in 2015, and since I was meeting him again today, that meant we were friends. We both laughed. I thanked him for teaching me to meditate and for being a profound spiritual teacher. I told him that I hoped he had as great an evening as all of us would be having. He was quiet and kind, signed my book and photo, and I left the room grateful for the opportunity. Magic!

I went back to the lobby with plenty of time before the lecture started, so I got a glass of champagne. Well not a glass actually, it was in a plastic cup with a lid...and a straw. Maybe I'm not meant to be classy. I found my initial friends from the vestibule and thanked Lois again for her kind gesture in giving me the photo. 

The theater doors soon opened and I walked to my seat. It was perfect, first row center, so close I could touch the stage with my feet if I extended them. I sat down and said hi to the woman next to me. She was my twin. I smiled to myself as I saw her dressed as I was last time I met Deepak. She had a suit jacket on and a t-shirt from her business, just like I had done. She was really sweet (of course, she's my twin!), and told me that she had thanked Deepak and had given him one of her shirts as I had done previously. I didn't mention any of the similarities to her. I didn't want it to be a "yeah me too" moment, which can sound a bit unbelievable. She was a reiki master and founder of a local monthly spiritual venue that I've been interested in being a vendor at. It was very cool to meet someone that taught reiki as it is on my to-do list to be certified. Best of all, she was very kind and great to chat with, and our goal for the evening was the same - to enjoy the teachings of this brilliant man.

The lecture was wonderful, he was clever, funny, intelligent...he was Deepak Chopra! He talked scientifically and spirituality about living a healthy life. He included information on the benefits of meditation, eating well, getting enough sleep, Earthing and more. He discussed different herbs to lower inflammation in the body such as black pepper, cardamom, cayenne, chamomile, ginger, and turmeric to name a few. He ended the lecture with a beautiful meditation. It was a relaxing way to end a lovely evening.

After the event I walked back to my car, no ticket, all was good! There was no waiting in line to leave, I just drove straight home. Magic! I said a prayer of gratitude for a wonderful night. I arrived at home and excitedly told my husband about the event, grabbed some water and headed up to bed with my book and signed photo tucked inside. After I changed for bed, I looked at the photo and part of the signature was smeared. Gah! The smeared part was transferred to my hand. I must have gotten water from the side of my glass on my hand and hit the photo right where the signature was. My temporary frustration reminded me of Lois and Shawn and the quest for perfection Maybe that was my lesson tonight, to let go even more. It was still all magic. It's kind of clever how the universe pointed that lesson out with a "magic" marker!

In Gratitude & Love,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com

21 Days of Joy

The more I meditate, the more in touch I become with my soul's voice and my spiritual team that I pray to. What I have been hearing lately is to bring more joy into my life. The voice I hear doesn't just speak to me through my thoughts, it also repeats itself over and over again through things that are brought into my awareness such as books, articles, radio shows, conversations with others and more. The same theme repeats itself until I take notice and do something about it.

I work six days a week, run two small businesses, maintain a blog, and run the Kindness...Pass It On mission. I love everything I do, but my weekdays and weekends became so jam packed that I forgot to play. It was taking a toll on me. I realized I wasn't smiling or laughing as much as I used to. I was feeling drained and I needed to have fun again. 

For the last three weeks, I followed my joy. I spent time reading, meditating, making jewelry, going for walks, visiting the San Antonio Missions, going to the park, taking day trips, exploring nature, recognizing the kindness in others, and being present with my family. I also created future joy by getting tickets to see Eben Alexander author of Proof of Heaven in December, a holiday symphony, and a comedy show next year.

When I bought my new car, I decided to name her after Archangel Jophiel who is all about joy. She helps manifest joy and happiness, and brings beauty to all aspects of our lives. The car makes me feel happy and I wanted the name to be a reflection and reminder of that. Through the 21 Days of Joy, I rediscovered my joy of driving. I used to love going for long drives when I was younger. I would drive to the Jersey shore by myself frequently, and the journey was as peaceful as the ocean itself, Over these past three weeks, my husband and I would take long weekend drives through the Texas Hill Country and visit towns and shops together. It was relaxing and fun at the same time. It was so nice to get out, away from my office, breathe in the fresh air, enjoy the sky, the beautiful trees, and time with my love. I could feel the huge benefits in shaking up the routine I was trapping myself in.

In one of the towns we visited, I spotted a beautiful dog sitting under a bench. I wanted to go up and pet him. I just love animals. At the end of his leash was a man with his face painted in black and red. He said "For $5 you can get a picture of a real Comanche and a real Timberwolf." It actually took me aback for a moment with his gruff voice and the darkness of the paint hiding his face. For a moment I felt I was in another time and space. I said no thanks and walked past. I began reflecting on what is happening at the Standing Rock Indian Reservation in North Dakota because of the Dakota Pipeline Project. I kept thinking about the man and his wolf, and as we turned back to walk that way again, the Comanche and his companion were gone. I joked to my husband that they were spirits, since we couldn't find them anywhere, but my husband insisted that a spirit wouldn't need cash. I could definitely see the logic in that, but it was still a bit mysterious, and I really wanted to just give him some money if he needed it. 

Click link for photo credit: Kim Robbins Photography

My birthday coincided with my 21 Days of Joy, so I spent that day treating myself. I haven't shopped for myself in ages, primarily because of my weight gain. Now that I'm losing weight again, I am beginning to find the joy again in fashion, jewelry, and taking better care of myself. I bought myself a "goal" blouse as inspiration for my diet. I bought some Clinique skin care and blush. When I was checking out, the salesperson asked if I wanted to sign up for the Macy's rewards program. I said yes, and had to fill in my birth date. When she realized it was my birthday, she threw some free samples into my bag. When I got home, I realized she gave me "Happy" perfume and lotion! It was just too perfect for my joy mission!

What happens when you spend time focusing on what you want to bring into your life, is that the universe conspires to flood you with it. It is the same thing that happens when you focus on what you don't want. The universe doesn't see the difference, it's just giving you what you put your attention on. So, why not pick happy, joy, abundance, perfect wellness, healthy relationships, being on purpose, connecting with spirit, seeing the beauty in your children? It's all there, it always is. 

Realigning with joy in my life has re-energized me. It has helped me pour even more love, passion, and focus into all of the work I do. It has reconnected me with the most important relationships in my life, including myself. 

My next 21 days will be a revisit of 21 Days of Art. I had started it, but didn't follow through. Honestly, it scared me, which is why I need to do it again. Instead of enjoying something that I love to do, I put pressure on myself. I felt that what I was doing wasn't good enough or creative enough. That isn't what art is about, is it? One of the latest repetitive messages coming to me has been about the book The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path To Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron. I ordered it, and it came in the mail yesterday. Of course it is exactly on point with what has been holding me back. This is yet another example to keep an eye, an ear, and an open mind to what the universe is providing. Everything is happening for us, not to us. I am now ready for 21 Days of Art, because I have joy on my side.

For more information on the books, authors and information mentioned in the blog, click on the links throughout to visit their sites!

In Gratitude & Love,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com

Diet Week 1: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Over 15 years ago, after I gave birth to my second son, I wanted to lose the baby weight plus some extra weight I had been carrying. Going it alone had not helped me before, so I decided to try Nutrisystem. The food was bland compared to the fat-laden, sugar-infused junk I had previously been shoving down my pie hole, but after about a week, I adjusted to it. What I liked about it was that it helped me curb my carb and sugar cravings (it's low-glycemic, high in fiber), and in about a week I was used to the food. I also added in fruit, veggies, salads, nuts, skim milk, and tons of other healthy options along with the meals. I lost all of the weight I wanted to and felt amazing! 

So years later after putting on quite a bit of weight (I've discussed the why's in my recent blog), and trying to diet many times on my own, I decided I needed Nutrisystem again. For me, it keeps me in control and on track. They even have a NuMi app to log in all of my meals, water, and exercise. They also have frozen meals now and they are tastier. No, I'm not doing a commercial for Nutrisystem, I'm just sharing what I'm going through right now, because that's part of what this blog is about! I am eating about every 2-3 hours. I also drink a bucket load of water every day (64 ounces or more) and green tea.

I ordered a month of meals online, and I was already getting my mind motivated to trim down. I didn't want to wait the week for the meals to arrive, so I went to Wal-Mart to get their 5-day starter kit. I was pretty sure I would start feeling hungry and cranky after day 3, but this time the first day was a struggle! I'm starting out at 1,500 calories a day. In my last diet, I was only eating 1,200 calories a day, yet it was harder this time. It made me realize how much I really had been eating. But I feel determined, and I know I will get through this until I reach my goal weight.

I really wanted to stay off the scale all week, but I just couldn't do it. I had to see if I could actually lose weight again. When I was trying on my own, every time I would get on the scale it would go up. This time, by Saturday I was down 3 pounds. I was so excited! I thought that by my first official weigh-in on Monday, I would be down 4. I wasn't. Cue sad face. But I knew I was being ridiculous. A 1-2 pound weight loss per week is healthy, and 3 is more than enough, especially since it had been going in the other direction for so long. So I got over myself, and will keep going. I am also going to try not to get on the scale every day. I know how it works, our weight fluctuates all the time. The weekly read is a much better judge of how I am doing overall. 

After a couple of days on the diet I started feeling larger than I have ever felt. It's kind of interesting that overeating gave me a warped perspective on my appearance. It's not that I didn't know I was overweight, but something was kind of masking reality. My eyes had apparently been clouded over with glazed donuts and frosting. All of a sudden I saw my size and it wasn't a good feeling. I feel better now. I know how much I need to lose, so it wasn't a shock, it was just an uncomfortable feeling for a bit. I also started feeling nervous for a couple of days. My anxiety was heightened. I thought back to when I lost weight in the past and I remember feeling more anxious thinner. Which of course indicates that a big part of my overeating was to push away those feelings. However, this time I have more tools than I did in the past, and meditation, prayer, and exercise should help quell those feelings. They did subside towards the end of the week.

One of the best parts of the diet this time around is that I'm not trying to do it by myself. Not just having the structure of Nutrisystem, but I have such a strong support system right now. My husband has always been a kind support. He has never said anything negative about my weight ever, except in terms of my health. That has been an enormous gift. It is difficult enough to feel embarrassed about myself, but if I didn't have that kind of unconditional love, I would probably be 500 pounds. I am very grateful. 

My other major support are my friends. I have one forever friend who has lifted me up since we were little. We are both on this journey now with different weight plans and she came up with a beautiful way to inspire each other. She suggested we text each other positive things we do for ourselves regarding our weight loss. This is such a great way to celebrate what we are doing right, instead of beating ourselves up.  I have another friend who has shared in my struggle and is pretty much my long distance coach. She checks in and is always so positive even when I've fallen (as I said before, I've tried losing this without a program and it just wasn't working). 

When I came out of the spiritual closet a few years ago, what I was met with was not what I expected. I didn't share my journey initially because of fear. I didn't know what people would think. I ended up finding that more people felt the way that I did. Being my authentic self and speaking my truth brought far more beauty into my life than what exited. And I am finding the same here with my weight loss journey. Speaking about what I am going through has brought more support, love, and kindness than I ever could have hoped for. It is much easier to live who we are, then what we think others expect. We are here to be ourselves.

Thank you so much for everyone who has been positive and supportive in my journey, it helps more than I can say!

In Gratitude & Love,

Kerri Mulhern

www.suitablegifts.com

Gratitude and Weight Loss - My Journey

I have been planning to write this blog for some time now. How I write is based on how I feel. I write from the heart and when I get started it flows quite easily. When I feel blocked or stressed while writing, I know it's not the right thing. I think that is what has taken this one so long, there was a missing piece to it. Last night the final piece arrived, so here it goes!

I have been struggling with my weight most of my life. I have been overweight, healthy weight, overweight, healthy weight, and overweight many times over. I have thought about why, and there are so many reasons that I really should weigh about 5,000 pounds. From childhood abuse, stress, work overload, sugar addiction, being an empath, self sabotage, and more, I have built quite a padding to protect myself. Knowing where it stems from hasn't changed the eating habits. I really thought if I could figure out "why" the pounds would just melt off. Ummmm, no.

I'm not happy when I'm overweight. I am generally a pretty quiet person, but this tends to shelter me even more because I feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. When I am thin I feel vulnerable, awkward, and nervous when I feel that attention is being drawn to me. I have really spent time thinking about all of this, because wanting to be thinner and healthier means being able to deal with those feelings. And whatever weight I am at, I need to love myself anyway. I am not my body. I am a divine soul, as all of us are.

I have quite a number of plans for growing my business, and part of it starts in the new year with putting myself physically out into the public more. This plan has contributed to more self sabotage. The fear of success, the feeling of unworthiness and more piles on...and so do the extra pounds.

I even thought staying away from the scale would help. I do have obsessive tendencies when I start to diet, because off course I want the weight to come off overnight. I end up checking the scale way more than I should. I thought, I'll just stay away for awhile and I'll notice if I'm gaining weight by my clothes. Well, this proved futile since the next time I got on the scale, I gained 16 pounds! Yes, we're not talking a pound or two..16!!! So, I will use the scale, but not excessively.

After understanding some of the reasons why I was overweight, I prayed about it. I knew I needed help and couldn't do this myself. I needed my spiritual team to help me out. I prayed, and then I meditated. What started appearing in my life, were all the tools I needed. Health books like The Earth Diet, articles, courses, juicing websites, yoga techniques, and very supportive friends, it all kept pouring in. I read it all, I learned it all. But my weight stayed the same.

Finally I truly thought the answer was loving myself thin. I bought a new journal just to dedicate it to writing kind thoughts to myself and loving reminders when I made healthy choices. I knew that I needed a gentler approach. Worrying and beating myself up about it were not the answers. Rushing myself to lose weight was also not going to work...it never has. So I thought being kind to myself was the missing link. And it definitely is a part of it, you can't berate yourself or hate yourself into change. Yet, this still wasn't the final piece.

What I figured out after an evening meditation was a bit of a eureka moment. I had prayed and meditated on it, but I wasn't practicing gratitude where my weight issues were concerned. It's amazing that the answer can be right in front of you, but you don't notice it. I have changed so many aspects of my life through prayer, meditation, and gratitude. That has been my trifecta for change. It has helped me with my business, financial abundance, bringing me closer to wonderful friends in my life, and helping me find my spiritual tribe. Every aspect of my life that I wanted to create, I used these three practices without hesitation. I'm not sure why I left my health for last. But here we go, this is the beginning of real change.

So, here is how it's all going down from now on. Every morning I say a prayer, and the first thing I say is thank you for EVERYTHING in my life. The good, the bad, the ugly. Life is such a gift, and I am so grateful for it. How I brought financial abundance into my life, was noticing it and being thankful for it. "Thank you for the $23 I just received from Ibotta." Every little thing adds up. Every penny I found on the ground, I would say "abundance!" with joy and "thank you!" I still do this.There is something in the act of noticing and being grateful, that brings more, so much more. So in the morning prayer and throughout the day, I say thanks, live in a state of awareness for the abundance coming to me, and say more thanks. Now I will also be praying for help and guidance towards being the healthiest version of myself. And then I will let go of fear and expectation, and release it to the universe to help. Letting go of how you want the prayer to be answered allows for greater things than you could have ever imagined.

After the prayer, I meditate for 20 minutes. Meditation is such a great way to set a positive tone for the day and this is when the answer to the prayer begins to unfold. I often get ideas to help me while I'm in meditation. I'm not trying to think, they just pop into my awareness. Sometimes the ideas come throughout the day. These are gifts from the universe, and they are available to anyone. 

Now this doesn't mean I don't have to do anything and it just all just appears. I will get thoughts, ideas and urges to do things that will answer my prayers. Sometimes things will come into my awareness like books, lectures, and information to use on my particular issue. For abundance, so many ideas for my business just came to me as a gentle thought. But I had to also act on it. The answer to the prayer was the thought, part of being thankful was following through on it. It's very magical and fun when you start to feel the flow of the universe. Everything is there to help when you focus on what you want, and let go of what you don't want.

And the last piece as I mentioned in prayer is gratitude. My new "healthy body" journal will be filled with with all of the blessings I see. Some of them so far are "I am grateful for having the urge to exercise and following it through, and I am grateful for feeling the need to increase my water intake and doing so throughout the day."  The more I notice and acknowledge these blessings, the more appears and the more positive changes occur. Gratitude is also a reminder that we aren't going through this life alone. When we give thanks, we are acknowledging that we have the divine holding our hands.

Prayer, meditation, and gratitude can help with anything you are struggling with. 

The reason I share so much about myself in this blog is because there hasn't been one post where someone didn't tell me they related to it, or it helped them. Writing is how I work through things, sharing it is how I serve. I know I'm not the only one struggling with weight or something they are trying to overcome, and if there is any way sharing my struggle can help, I will do it. I feel the same way about my business and just about everything else in my life, if I can help, I will. So I will be continuing to blog about this part of my journey, the ups and downs, and my gratitude for it all. 

Thank you for reading and being a part of this. Thank you for your continuous kindness and support, it means more than I can express. Feel free to comment below to share your journey or any with questions!

In Gratitude & Love,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com

21 Days of Space Clearing: Week One (a.k.a What Have I Gotten Myself Into?)

I made it through my first week of space clearing, sort of. I decided to work on my teeny tiny office closet first, because this is really where the mess is. I am very good at letting things go, but everything I'm not able to let go of, is in that closet. I knew it would be the hardest, so I wanted to get it over with. I can easily clean out kitchen cabinets, bathroom closets and sort through clothes, but this is different. And I'm still not finished!

In this closet is business inventory. That was easy. Boxes, journals, pens and more are selling online, and at fairs and flea markets. Those stay, I just needed to organize them better. I went through hundreds of business cards. There were so many contacts I had when I was in marketing, but there is no need to keep them. Some of the cards were people I met one time. I let them go.

Next I worked on my craft piles and so many projects I had only started. I sorted through, and made a donation pile for anything I knew I would never work on. I made a small pile of projects to do and wrote up a list. I'm tackling one at time and will get them all completed. I already finished my meditation pillow last night. Now I'm just waiting for the weather to warm up so I can use it outside on my meditation platform (blog on how to build one is coming up soon!). 

I had tons of my sons' school supplies in there. You know every year you get that list of needed school supplies? I always bought everything! In the last two years I became wiser and more frugal!. Folders, notebooks and index cards were never used, and they piled up. I had an entire shoebox of colored pencils that could never possibly be used by one family. Those, and other excess supplies are going to the nearby elementary school for kids who need them. 

Now here's where it starts to get real. The memories are my deer in the headlights moment. This is where I stress, sweat and debate what to keep and what to let go. The amount of memories that I've kept over the years is telling me something. This is what I am in the midst of right now. I have decades of memories. There are some incredible blessings in going through this process, but it hasn't been easy at all. It has been very eye-opening though. 

I started the space clearing to let go of what is no longer serving me, in order to let in what is waiting for me. I believe that everything has an energy to it, and I have been holding on to some very heavy items. Part of the reason I kept so much was because I kept telling myself I had to. There was this guilt and pressure I put on myself. I was in essence, saying I was bad if I let things go. It felt like I was doing something wrong. But to who? No one else cares about this stuff! I don't know where this is coming from, but I know the letting go is releasing that hold I put on myself. It is releasing that negative voice. I can actually feel the heaviness leaving the closet and the weight lifting from my chest as I do this.

I held onto some things because I wanted to organize them "one day." Some of those things were my daily agendas and calendars. I had them as far back as 1990! 16 years! I didn't want to let these go because I wrote so much in them about my sons. I was terrible about keeping up with the baby books (guilt), but I always wrote down the "firsts" and many other things they did. I wanted to make sure I had all of this, but I never put the time in to organize it all. So they all went into the closet year after year. I have now gone through all of them, and wrote down what I really wanted to save. My feelings changed from what I thought was important so many years ago. I held on so tight to things I really didn't need to. But I am very glad that I saved those memories.

The other part of going through 16 years of my life, is reliving it all over again. It wasn't all pleasant. I relived two jobs working for narcissistic bosses, getting fired, working for a very unethical company (briefly), divorce, lawyers, and some very stressful times that were all documented because of appointments and notes. Stress, guilt, regret, sadness all welled up again. But, I'm not holding on to any of it, I've learned from all of it, accept my responsibility in creating it, and am grateful. And as I tossed these in the trash, I released them. 

What I am holding on to are the days when I found out I was pregnant, when I learned I was having boys, the first time they walked and talked, my friends' weddings, birthdays, and the day I married again. So many wonderful memories.

I also have a humongous pile of photos, videos, cards and my kids' items (clothes, schoolwork, etc) to still sort through. I have pile of my eldest son's shirts (school, soccer, band) that I haven't been able to part with. Every time he comes into my office, I look at the pile and say "Are you sure you won't want these one day?" I'm afraid to let go of things for their sake too. Guilt. I'm doing something wrong, I think. But he keeps looking at me like I'm crazy, and tells me he doesn't care about them. He wants to keep his karate outfit and belts, which he already keeps in his room. So what is freezing me here? I told him I thought I'd cut the shirts up and make him a quilt. Again, I got the "you're crazy" stare. And I don't blame him, I felt crazy saying it. Yet I'm still stuck. But, I will get there. And I know each time I let go, things get lighter. And I know that in doing so, I'm not only making things lighter for me, but for my whole family.

On to week two!

In Gratitude,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com