I made it through my first week of space clearing, sort of. I decided to work on my teeny tiny office closet first, because this is really where the mess is. I am very good at letting things go, but everything I'm not able to let go of, is in that closet. I knew it would be the hardest, so I wanted to get it over with. I can easily clean out kitchen cabinets, bathroom closets and sort through clothes, but this is different. And I'm still not finished!
In this closet is business inventory. That was easy. Boxes, journals, pens and more are selling online, and at fairs and flea markets. Those stay, I just needed to organize them better. I went through hundreds of business cards. There were so many contacts I had when I was in marketing, but there is no need to keep them. Some of the cards were people I met one time. I let them go.
Next I worked on my craft piles and so many projects I had only started. I sorted through, and made a donation pile for anything I knew I would never work on. I made a small pile of projects to do and wrote up a list. I'm tackling one at time and will get them all completed. I already finished my meditation pillow last night. Now I'm just waiting for the weather to warm up so I can use it outside on my meditation platform (blog on how to build one is coming up soon!).
I had tons of my sons' school supplies in there. You know every year you get that list of needed school supplies? I always bought everything! In the last two years I became wiser and more frugal!. Folders, notebooks and index cards were never used, and they piled up. I had an entire shoebox of colored pencils that could never possibly be used by one family. Those, and other excess supplies are going to the nearby elementary school for kids who need them.
Now here's where it starts to get real. The memories are my deer in the headlights moment. This is where I stress, sweat and debate what to keep and what to let go. The amount of memories that I've kept over the years is telling me something. This is what I am in the midst of right now. I have decades of memories. There are some incredible blessings in going through this process, but it hasn't been easy at all. It has been very eye-opening though.
I started the space clearing to let go of what is no longer serving me, in order to let in what is waiting for me. I believe that everything has an energy to it, and I have been holding on to some very heavy items. Part of the reason I kept so much was because I kept telling myself I had to. There was this guilt and pressure I put on myself. I was in essence, saying I was bad if I let things go. It felt like I was doing something wrong. But to who? No one else cares about this stuff! I don't know where this is coming from, but I know the letting go is releasing that hold I put on myself. It is releasing that negative voice. I can actually feel the heaviness leaving the closet and the weight lifting from my chest as I do this.
I held onto some things because I wanted to organize them "one day." Some of those things were my daily agendas and calendars. I had them as far back as 1990! 16 years! I didn't want to let these go because I wrote so much in them about my sons. I was terrible about keeping up with the baby books (guilt), but I always wrote down the "firsts" and many other things they did. I wanted to make sure I had all of this, but I never put the time in to organize it all. So they all went into the closet year after year. I have now gone through all of them, and wrote down what I really wanted to save. My feelings changed from what I thought was important so many years ago. I held on so tight to things I really didn't need to. But I am very glad that I saved those memories.
The other part of going through 16 years of my life, is reliving it all over again. It wasn't all pleasant. I relived two jobs working for narcissistic bosses, getting fired, working for a very unethical company (briefly), divorce, lawyers, and some very stressful times that were all documented because of appointments and notes. Stress, guilt, regret, sadness all welled up again. But, I'm not holding on to any of it, I've learned from all of it, accept my responsibility in creating it, and am grateful. And as I tossed these in the trash, I released them.
What I am holding on to are the days when I found out I was pregnant, when I learned I was having boys, the first time they walked and talked, my friends' weddings, birthdays, and the day I married again. So many wonderful memories.
On to week two!
In Gratitude,
Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com
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