Diet Week 3: Now We're Getting Somewhere!

At the end of week 2, I received the frozen portion of my Nutrisystem order for the month. I didn't realize I was getting a free week of Turbo10 along with it. The Turbo Takeoff kit includes a week of breakfast, lunch, and dinner, along with a week of chocolate Nutricrush shakes and Turboshakes. This was supposed to be a kickstart for my first week of dieting.

I am incredibly glad that I didn't start out my weight loss plan with Turbo10, because I would have been a lunatic. I was already in sugar, carb, and calorie withdrawal on the regular plan's 1,500 calories a day. Having two weeks to prepare for this new twist, was very helpful, as I was already feeling adjusted to the plan. It's not something I "had" to do, but I felt better physically and mentally to give it a try.

The idea of Turbo10 is to help you lose up to 10 pounds in your first month. Ideally, a 1-2 pound per week goal is a healthy goal, but having a little extra push in the right direction appealed to me. After week 2, I was already down 5.5 pounds. I started Turbo10 on Sunday. I had breakfast, shake for snack, lunch, shake for snack, and dinner. I also added in vegetables and of course tons and tons of water. 

I made it through the first 3 days on an average of 900 calories a day. It certainly wouldn't be sustainable or healthy in the long term, but through the hunger, I remained determined. It became a bit of a personal quest for me to continue. Maybe the hunger was affecting my sense of reasoning, however, I carried on. 

By Wednesday, I was unhinged. Thank goodness for a dear friend at work who I shared this with. She's working a challenging diet program and could feel my pain. I was so cranky and I had a nagging headache that Tylenol couldn't remedy. As I've mentioned in prior blogs, support is the biggest change for me in my quest to be healthy again. Having someone to reach out to, helped me through the day. 

I realized later in the evening what had actually caused the headache and it wasn't Turbo10.  I took a relaxing salt bath the night before and tossed in about 2 cups of epsom salt. I overdid it, as I had done once before with a Himalayan salt bath. I don't know if it was the detoxing effect from the salt or dehydration, but after I guzzled more water, I felt better.

On Thursday I worked the Turbo10 plan through lunch. My family was taking me to dinner for a pre-birthday celebration, so I put the plan on hold for the evening. I had a salad, and a yummy panko-battered stuffed chicken, homestyle mashed potatoes, and asparagus. I only ate about half of what was on the plate. And I didn't take the rest home either. I am getting used to what "just enough" feels like, and I didn't want to overdue it just because it was there. Feeling better is overriding the yummy factor, and I'm grateful for that. I also don't want to work so hard all week at dieting, only to ruin it on a huge meal.

Friday was my birthday, but I stuck to the plan all day, even through dinner. But then there was cake... I had a small piece, and that was enough. The cravings have subsided so much. As long as I don't get back into the snacking routine, my body doesn't crave it. 

Saturday I went out to breakfast with family and again didn't overeat. I shared some of my struggle and again received wonderful ideas, support, and encouragement. There really isn't anything we need to go through alone. I ordered the healthiest breakfast available and ate a small portion of the plate, similar to what I have been eating for breakfast on the plan. I drank black coffee and water since they have zero calories. For the rest of the day, I stuck to the plan.

Sunday hubby and I went out for breakfast at Denny's and I ordered the Fit Slam breakfast. It was the lowest calorie breakfast on the menu but it was still around 390 calories. That's double what I've been eating. It had egg whites, spinach, tomatoes, a fruit cup, turkey bacon, and an English muffin. I ate it all! Oh well, it really was good! We spent the day in a beautiful town about an hour and a half from our home. We had lunch out and I ordered the veggie burger. There was no burger too it, as it was just vegetables on a bun. I ate just the veggies and the bottom of the bun, plus a few homemade potato chips. I drank unsweetened iced tea, another zero calorie beverage.

So with only three days of being completely devoted to Turbo10, I wasn't sure what my weigh-in would look like on Monday. But I knew overall I did really well. Even eating out, I kept my diet in mind and didn't go overboard.

Drumroll please...I lost 4.5 pounds! Wow! That was quite a bit to lose in a week! I don't have any plans to ever do that again, but it did give me a boost. I am down 10 pounds in 3 weeks! I can't imagine what would have happened had I followed it perfectly for the whole week. But honestly, it was a bit much. I think it gave me a lift psychologically, but the regular plan itself is working, and I know I will get to my goal just by following it.

I can get a bit obsessive, I can obsessively overeat, and I can also obsessively focus on my diet. I am striving for balance. Writing, posting on social media, and talking to friends and family is what is keeping me balanced. I want this to be a healthy, lasting change. I would like to lose 10 pounds a month, but as long as the numbers on the scale are heading down, and I'm feeling well, I'll be happy.

I am also celebrating each 10 pound milestone with a non-food treat. Being overweight, I really stopped pampering myself. I didn't feel well or look well, and I just wanted to hide. I can already feel my personality coming back, and I know it will get better and better. So my plan is for every 10 pounds, I'm putting $30 away in savings. I am also celebrating in this way:

10 Pounds = mani/Pedi
20 Pounds = new walking/workout shoes
30 Pounds = double-piercing my ears (the 2nd closed up a long time ago)
40 Pounds = hair cut/color (a good salon visit hasn't happened in ages)
50 Pounds = facial (it's been years)
60 Pounds = massage (haven't gone because of my weight)
70 Pounds = new boots
80 Pounds = new makeup/makeover
90 Pounds = spa day
100 Pounds = shopping spree! I'm taking all the savings I put away for each 10 pounds, and going shopping!

I'm not sure if I will go for the ultimate 100 pound weight loss, it really depends on how I look and feel. I will be healthy with less of a weight loss than that. I will see when to stop as I continue to go through this. And if I do lose that much, I won't be underweight, I will be within normal guidelines for my height. Time will tell!

Thank you all for listening and supporting. I'm here for you too!

In Gratitude & Love,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com

Diet Week 2: The Edge Is Off

The second week was smoother than the first, and I'm happy to say I've lost five and a half pounds so far! It's an inspiring start for me, because I was really worried I wouldn't be able to lose weight. I had been trying on my own for quite awhile and every time I stepped on the scale it was higher. It has been wonderful to see it go down again!

I am already feeling better with increased energy, clearer thinking, and diminished food cravings. I am not as hungry as I used to be, even though I'm consuming less. My face and belly feels less puffy from letting go of sugary snacks and fast food. I've had couple of anxious and cranky moments, but meditation has helped me get back  on track. 

I am also keeping up with my weight loss gratitude journal. As I've mentioned before, gratitude has been essential to everything that I have manifested in my life. This journal acknowledges all of the moments that are supporting my weight loss goal, including support from friends, helpful books and articles coming my way, divine support, and all of the positive changes I'm noticing. As with anything, the more you put your attention on something, the more you draw it towards you. I focus on what I want in my life now, not what I don't want.The changes in my life have been dramatic because of my attitude of gratitude.

I have started adding exercise into my weight loss plan, and went for a mile walk outdoors last week. I will continue to add in strength training, yoga, and more bit by bit. I'm not putting any pressure on myself, I don't want this to be stressful, I want it to be a healthy life change. Through meditation and prayer I am very tuned in to what my body is saying to me. I'm just listening to it and following it through. This isn't a race for me to get to the end, although I'm pretty excited about the results! I am enjoying the journey and am very happy I am finally taking good care of myself.

I am in a really great mindset for this. I can see myself thin again, I can feel it. I have a knowing that I can and will do this. It's unshakeable. That feeling is what had been missing on all of my other dieting attempts. 

On Week 3 I'm trying something different. When I received my Nutrisystem frozen meals, they included a free week of Turbo10, it was something I was supposed to follow for my first week. It's supposed to kickstart the weight loss plan to help lose up to 10 pounds in the first month. But I don't see any reason why I can't do it now! Well see what happens!

In Gratitude & Love,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com

Diet Week 1: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Over 15 years ago, after I gave birth to my second son, I wanted to lose the baby weight plus some extra weight I had been carrying. Going it alone had not helped me before, so I decided to try Nutrisystem. The food was bland compared to the fat-laden, sugar-infused junk I had previously been shoving down my pie hole, but after about a week, I adjusted to it. What I liked about it was that it helped me curb my carb and sugar cravings (it's low-glycemic, high in fiber), and in about a week I was used to the food. I also added in fruit, veggies, salads, nuts, skim milk, and tons of other healthy options along with the meals. I lost all of the weight I wanted to and felt amazing! 

So years later after putting on quite a bit of weight (I've discussed the why's in my recent blog), and trying to diet many times on my own, I decided I needed Nutrisystem again. For me, it keeps me in control and on track. They even have a NuMi app to log in all of my meals, water, and exercise. They also have frozen meals now and they are tastier. No, I'm not doing a commercial for Nutrisystem, I'm just sharing what I'm going through right now, because that's part of what this blog is about! I am eating about every 2-3 hours. I also drink a bucket load of water every day (64 ounces or more) and green tea.

I ordered a month of meals online, and I was already getting my mind motivated to trim down. I didn't want to wait the week for the meals to arrive, so I went to Wal-Mart to get their 5-day starter kit. I was pretty sure I would start feeling hungry and cranky after day 3, but this time the first day was a struggle! I'm starting out at 1,500 calories a day. In my last diet, I was only eating 1,200 calories a day, yet it was harder this time. It made me realize how much I really had been eating. But I feel determined, and I know I will get through this until I reach my goal weight.

I really wanted to stay off the scale all week, but I just couldn't do it. I had to see if I could actually lose weight again. When I was trying on my own, every time I would get on the scale it would go up. This time, by Saturday I was down 3 pounds. I was so excited! I thought that by my first official weigh-in on Monday, I would be down 4. I wasn't. Cue sad face. But I knew I was being ridiculous. A 1-2 pound weight loss per week is healthy, and 3 is more than enough, especially since it had been going in the other direction for so long. So I got over myself, and will keep going. I am also going to try not to get on the scale every day. I know how it works, our weight fluctuates all the time. The weekly read is a much better judge of how I am doing overall. 

After a couple of days on the diet I started feeling larger than I have ever felt. It's kind of interesting that overeating gave me a warped perspective on my appearance. It's not that I didn't know I was overweight, but something was kind of masking reality. My eyes had apparently been clouded over with glazed donuts and frosting. All of a sudden I saw my size and it wasn't a good feeling. I feel better now. I know how much I need to lose, so it wasn't a shock, it was just an uncomfortable feeling for a bit. I also started feeling nervous for a couple of days. My anxiety was heightened. I thought back to when I lost weight in the past and I remember feeling more anxious thinner. Which of course indicates that a big part of my overeating was to push away those feelings. However, this time I have more tools than I did in the past, and meditation, prayer, and exercise should help quell those feelings. They did subside towards the end of the week.

One of the best parts of the diet this time around is that I'm not trying to do it by myself. Not just having the structure of Nutrisystem, but I have such a strong support system right now. My husband has always been a kind support. He has never said anything negative about my weight ever, except in terms of my health. That has been an enormous gift. It is difficult enough to feel embarrassed about myself, but if I didn't have that kind of unconditional love, I would probably be 500 pounds. I am very grateful. 

My other major support are my friends. I have one forever friend who has lifted me up since we were little. We are both on this journey now with different weight plans and she came up with a beautiful way to inspire each other. She suggested we text each other positive things we do for ourselves regarding our weight loss. This is such a great way to celebrate what we are doing right, instead of beating ourselves up.  I have another friend who has shared in my struggle and is pretty much my long distance coach. She checks in and is always so positive even when I've fallen (as I said before, I've tried losing this without a program and it just wasn't working). 

When I came out of the spiritual closet a few years ago, what I was met with was not what I expected. I didn't share my journey initially because of fear. I didn't know what people would think. I ended up finding that more people felt the way that I did. Being my authentic self and speaking my truth brought far more beauty into my life than what exited. And I am finding the same here with my weight loss journey. Speaking about what I am going through has brought more support, love, and kindness than I ever could have hoped for. It is much easier to live who we are, then what we think others expect. We are here to be ourselves.

Thank you so much for everyone who has been positive and supportive in my journey, it helps more than I can say!

In Gratitude & Love,

Kerri Mulhern

www.suitablegifts.com

My Name is Kerri, and I'm a Chocoholic

Yes, I admit it. And in the admitting, I am set free. I have had a sugar addition since I was quite young. Candy, icecream, cookies, cake (you get the idea) have been in my daily diet for decades. I craved it, stockpiled it, hid it and devoured it.

At my annual doctor's appointment last month, my doctor went over my blood work with me. My cholesterol had dropped 5 points since last year, thyroid was healthy, blood sugar was perfect, everything was in normal range. "I'm addicted to sugar!" I blurted out. There, I said it. I needed to say it. She wasn't asking for it in the least, but I needed to own it, share it and let it go. We talked about it for a bit, she gave me some advice and sent me on my way.

Since that appointment, my sugar craving is gone. I don't think that was the only reason for it, but it was the final piece I needed. For quite some time now, I have been making steps towards better health. I have been listening to my intuition and immersing myself in healthier reading, TV and radio programs. Many ideas and repetitive signs to take action have been coming my way, so I followed them.

I have a list of intentions ("I am's") that I state when I meditate. Here are some of them:

• I am thin.
• I am perfect wellness.
• I am losing weight quickly and healthfully.
• I am craving healthy foods.

I have also been praying for help in eliminating my sugar cravings and eating better.

I have been eating healthier, going to the gym, and have even started using a hula hoop (it's a bit comical right now, but I plod on!). I have really felt like everything I needed to do to live a healthier life was coming together wonderfully except for the sugar. And honestly, I was so addicted, I didn't know if I wanted to give it up. I knew it was toxic, and at times I even felt angry from it after eating it. It gave me brain fog, forgetfulness and exhaustion. Yes, the chocolate bar cried out for me, and I always relented. The cravings were incredibly intense.

A few weeks before the doctor appointment, I had given up my morning muffins. It was a staple with my morning coffee (no sugar in the coffee, I was actually able to give that up last year). There were 4 tiny chocolate chip muffins in a bag. Total junk. There were at least two occasions where I opened a bag, ate a muffin and tasted some weird chemical, carbon dioxide-ish burst of yuk. I don't know if it was from what they fill the bag with (like they do with potato chip bags to keep the chips from crushing), but you would think that would have stopped me from buying them. Nope. Get buying, kept shoving them in my pie hole. Addiction at its finest.

There were just so many layers to my addiction to sugar. It was my escape when I was anxious, my reward when I accomplished something, it was my go to for everything. Sad? Candy. Happy? Candy. Tired? Candy. Candy, candy and more candy with a side of donuts. You can not even imagine the sheer volume of sweets I could consume in a day. I knew all of the junk was actually starving my body (even though it was ballooning on the outside), but I couldn't stop it.

I believe in the Law of Attraction. What you put out into the universe as an intention or belief, will appear. It took some time, but it happened. I persisted with my desire to change by envisioning it, and knowing that I would connect to better health. I continue to envision myself at the ideal weight I would like to be, and I know I will be that. I am not on a diet, I'm not starving myself. I just cut out the candy fest, soda, cakes...I could go on but you know what I'm talking about! Sugar!! I even made it through Halloween with candy in the house, and didn't have a bite. And it wasn't difficult for me. 

For the first time, I haven't had any sugar withdrawals. I have tried in the past to let go of sugar, usually combined with a low-calorie diet, and I was miserable. I'm not counting calories this time, but I am eating so much healthier that I'm losing weight.

Here are some points that I feel have really helped me make this change:

• Start with a desire.
• Set an intention (write it down, say it aloud...often)
• Watch for the signs (and your intuition) and follow them.
• Pray.
• Meditate on your intention.
• Live as if what you want is already here. The universe will provide you with what you put out there. Speak, think and feel like it already is in existence (It may take practice, but you can do it!).
• Feel worthy. Know that you deserve all the joy, love, peace, health, abundance and more that you want. And there is enough of it all for everyone.
• Be patient. The change could occur immediately, or take some time (as mine did). Giving up will never get you where you want to be.
• Express gratitude. Give thanks for everything. And give thanks as if what you want is already here. "Thank you for my quick and easy weight loss" etc.

I'll be giving updates on my health journey. Feel free to comment and share your journey too!

In Gratitude and Love,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com

Things Are Getting Hairy!

Well, they are getting hairy in a good way. As we last left off on the continuing saga of "Where'd My Hair Go?" I had visited the dermatologist and was given some instructions to get back on track. It included Biotin, Viviscal, a multivitamin, Nioxin shampoo and conditioner, washing my hair only twice a week (still a yikes for me!), not using hair dye (I'm 50 shades of gray now), eating protein three times a day, and taking an hour of alone time every day.

So, how is it going? Quite well so far! In the beginning I was still feeling very stressed over my hair. But I guess that is to be expected for someone who was stressed out enough for it to fall out. I knew I needed to calm down, not just for the hair recovery, but for my life and family. I know what I'm putting out there is being picked up by everyone around me, and I certainly don't want to do that to my family, myself or anyone else around me. My whole venture into the spiritual realm was to be peaceful, calm and happy. With all I know about self-care, I should look like Rapunzel. So, it was time to start putting everything I know into practice. Serious practice. Not so serious that it's stressful, but a real commitment to it.

I was keeping a gratitude journal, but I certainly wasn't writing in it daily. I think when you want to become grateful (or anything for that matter), that you need to practice it. So I started writing more. And as it had done in the past, the more I wrote, the more things to be grateful for came into view. I also added a synchronicity section to my journal. I have been noticing more signs, more things that I am thinking about that appear. So to increase my awareness of it, I am noting it. Awhile back, I put together a list of "I am's." All of the things that I want to attract into my life and want to be: kindness, peace, love, abundance, etc. I am now adding 'I am's" to my journal as well.  All of these are on a positive level, and that is what I want to focus on. I am letting go of the things I feared that were dragging me down. 

I have known from the beginning that this was a gift. I was getting signs that I wasn't taking care of myself and was worrying too much. I pushed them away. That's another reason why I'm keeping an awareness of the synchronicities in writing. I don't want to ignore the signs that are always there. I want to develop them even more and honor what I'm being told. 

Here's a list of some of the things I've been doing during my "me time:"

• Warm baths with epsom salt. I light some candles, bring some chamomile tea and an inspiring book. It's so peaceful. I read, pray, meditate and relax.
• Pampering: I paint my nails, do a face mask, and sometimes just take a short nap.
• Meditation: I have meditation CDs, apps and there a tons of Youtube videos too. I meditate every morning and at night, and during some of my special alone time, I meditate some more!
• Getting crafty: I make jewelry, color, draw and write. I used to draw all the time, but in the past 10 years or more, I just haven't. That's a long time to let go of my creative side. 
• Yoga: I have DVD's for stress relief and for beginners, so I've given it a go and I like it!
• Exercise: crunches, leg exercises, dumbbells, exercise ball and waist twists with a pvc bar.

My hair feels better. My eyebrows and eyelashes started coming back in first. They must be quicker to grow. I really wish I took a picture of what my eyelashes looked at during their worst, but it was very similar to this look:

My eyebrows are growing out in an interesting fashion. Some of them are growing straight out. They are kind of in every direction. My leg hair are still growing in strange patches. My mustache, however is growing in phenomenally. Life does have a sense of humor! My fingernails have never looked better.The hair on my head feels better. It is still falling out more than normal, but it just feels stronger and healthier. It hasn't been a long time, not even two months since I started taking care of myself. Normally it takes about three months for any real results. I am happy with how things are going though. I know I'm on the right path.

There is so much I've learned from this. I know now that honoring my creative gifts is nurturing my soul and honoring our creator. So is treating my body well by feeding it healthy foods, exercising, getting enough rest and taking time to myself. I am a better mom, wife and human being by taking care of myself. It's not selfish, it is giving everyone best version of myself.

My intention for sharing my story wasn't for me. I wanted to share for anyone else that might be going through the same. But you know what happens when you give, it comes back. I am grateful to my husband for being so loving (as always) and even taking me to hug a tree (it's really good to do, I highly recommend it!). I am grateful to my boys for understanding without question or concern for themselves, my daily time alone. I am so grateful for everyone who took the time to read about my journey. I am grateful to the ones who reached out with love and advice. I'm grateful to those who shared their stories about stressful things they were going through. It makes things less lonely when you can speak your truth and not keep it inside. I am grateful for the unexpected kindness I received in the mail, it filled me with such joy (and always will!). I am grateful to God, Jesus, the archangels, angels, spirit guides, divine masters and my guardian angel for your constant loving presence. 

Thank you to everyone. We are not alone and we are all loved. The more we reach out and share, the more we will see it. 

In Gratitude and Love,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com

Book Review: Miracles Now by Gabrielle Bernstein

Miracle Message #44: I begin my day with gratitude and love. #MiraclesNow - Gabrielle Bernstein

Miracles Now by Gabrielle Bernstein is a transformational book. If you are seeking ways to combat stress (and who isn't?), relax, deal with pain, money, addiction, and just about anything that you want to work on in your life, this is the book for you. If you want to bring more joy, peace, abundance, and love into your life, this is also the book for you.

Gabrielle's Toolbox
What I love most about this book, is that is is broken down into short, easy to read bytes of advice that are not only spot-on, but simple to integrate into your life.  I love tools, and she provides them with clarity. Gabrielle supplies concrete methods targeted to the issue at hand. Specific kundalini yoga techniques, wisdom from A Course In Miracles, tapping (a process that has you tap your fingers on specific meridians on your face and upper body to release blocks, anxiety, etc.), meditation, breathing techniques, and on and on. These tools are invaluable.

Coming together
There is beauty in modern technology when it is used for positivity, healing, and spreading goodness. Gabrielle provides in 140 characters or less, a Miracle Message at the end of each short chapter.  She encourages people to be "miracle messengers" and tweet each message with the hashtag #MiraclesNow. It is a beautiful and instantaneous way to share this with the world.

Love it!
Yes, I absolutely love Miracles Now. There is so much information given to help, that I could just pop open the book anywhere and find use on any page. You can read the book cover to cover, but it may be more effective to take a chapter a day, apply the technique, and see how it works in your life. Each chapter only takes minutes to read, but the wisdom in the pages speak volumes. You can also go directly to a specific chapter to help the situation that you need clarity or guidance with.  However you read this book, you will benefit from the sage advice and effective practices. I highly recommend this book.

I received Miracles Now free from Hay House as a participant in the Book Nook program. All opinions are my own.

In Gratitude,

Kerri
Suitable Gifts
www.suitablegifts.com

Who Is Judging Who?

Lately my stories seem to happen when I'm walking.  It's been quite a road, to say the least! But the road has been paved with wonderful lessons, and I'm looking forward to what is next. 

As I finished up my three mile walk, I came upon one of my neighbors as I was heading back to my house to cool down. With sweat dripping from every pore on me, my neighbor decided she wanted to chat. I'm working on getting myself back into shape, but I certainly am still in the early stages where only I can notice the change.  She started to talk about her knee and how it was bothering her, and then quickly segued into ranting about her husband. She was disgusted by him because he is overweight.  

My first thought was, do you see who you're talking to? I'm literally a hot mess over here! I often take this walk with my husband, and he looks exactly the same as when he started, I look like I hosed myself down and painted my face bright red. I am not exaggerating in the slightest.

My second thought was, how could she speak of her husband this way? From my viewpoint, he is such a hard working man, very kind and loving towards his kids, always ready to help out a neighbor, and never speaks unkind of others.  

I was unnerved as she continued to say how sloppily he dressed, how his belly was hanging out over his shirt, and how he refused to do anything to help himself. She went on and on and on.  I felt the need to gently express the other side, because I have been heavy and thin, and heavy and thin again.  I know how hard it is for some people to lose weight.  I told her the things that I have gone through on my journey, but she was bent on being angry and critical. I told her I would pray for her husband. She rolled her eyes and said "Yeah, he needs prayer alright."

I left feeling upset and angry that she could speak of her husband like that.  I felt righteous in my judgement of her judgement of her husband.  Oh...wait a minute, am I'm judging too?  But my judgment is accurate, right?

No it wasn't.  I wish I could figure out all of these things right away, but honestly I am beginning to enjoy the lessons I am learning.  I have been reading non-stop all summer.  It has been a wonderful treat to myself to take the time to luxuriate in a good book. Most of what I read is of a spiritual nature, and I also love biographies.  The book I am now reading is called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It was recommended to me over a year ago. I bought it but never read it. Quite interesting that I picked this time to begin. 

I always thought being codependent referred to those involved with alcoholics or drug abusers. It means so much more.  It is anyone who has allowed someone else's problem to become their own, at the expense of taking care of their own needs.  I specifically read about people who are in relationships with overeaters. It was amazing to have the judgement I had towards my neighbor revealed to me from an entirely new perspective.  The situation impacts both of them.

I read that the codependent often seems angry, critical, hostile, manipulative, and controlling. Wow. Everything that I judged in my neighbor was as wrong as her judgement of her husband. As I read on, I understood more about her perspective, and my view of her "attitude" softened. I thought back about our conversation and I heard her words differently this time.  She was worried about her husband, her kids, her life.  She felt helpless and not in control of the situation. 
  
I also understand myself better.  I didn't realize I was being critical too, Now I notice quicker when I am judging someone, and I stop myself in my tracks and let it go.  I am being gentler on myself too, I know I'm learning.  And now I pray for them both.

In Gratitude,

Kerri
www.suitablegifts.com

My Walking Prayer

I began walking as a journey to get back to fitness and good health. I didn't expect it to be a spiritual journey as well. 

I have been finding more and more that the path I'm heading down never leads to where I think it will, and most times it leads to something even more wonderful than I had imagined. I began walking as a way to get back into shape. I allowed stressful thoughts, work, and life wreak havoc on my body. It was getting to the point of being very unhealthy, and I was ready to make a change.

Walking is not my favorite activity. I have extra bones floating around in my feet, and walking or even standing can be excruciating at times. Being outside in the Texas heat is also not a love of mine, I sweat just thinking about it. But I wanted something that could ease me back into better health, so I plodded forward.

I started with a mile and a half a day, the perimeter of my subdivision.  It was quite the trek at first scaling the hilly terrain with the painful feet, underused lungs, blazing heat, and bad attitude. I thought perhaps the attitude was the main problem, still I plodded on.

In the beginning I carried a heavier load than my weight,  I just didn't realize it at the time.  I felt that I was all alone, but all of my thoughts came with me.  They were not good company.  Many times they talked about what bad shape I was in, brought up everything I ever did wrong, reminded me of things they thought I should feel guilty for, or others who upset me.  My mind would race. The blood would be pumping from anger or hurt, not from exercise. I really started to dread the walks. Yet still, I plodded on.

But I was feeling physically better,  and I got my self up to 3 miles a day in a short amount of time.  I had more energy, changes were happening.  But what to do with my travel companions? It was truly time to let them go.  I was ready for that change too.

I thought about all I have been doing towards a spiritual path, and realized that I could literally walk that path every day.  I set aside time to meditate, to focus on what I want to attract into my life, but I never thought about doing that during my walks.  

Once I realized all of the negativity I was bringing along with me, I was able to release it the same way I do when I meditate.  I begin my walk with a mindful presence.  I notice everything around me, especially when my mind starts to wander.  It is very easy to come back to focus when you look at the trees, the butterflies flitting by, or the squirrels chasing each other around a tree.  

The next step for me was prayer.  As I round the first hill and the road levels, I begin my prayer.  I am at the point where I don't care who is around, or if they think I'm talking to myself.  The prayer is what's important, not what others think.  I also don't care if anyone sees me make the sign of the cross to close my prayer, it's something that feels right for me.  

I pray to God, to Jesus, to the angels. These companions on my walks are so much nicer! I thank them for everything in my life, even the things that seem bad.  In fact, my entire prayer is a thank you. I know in my heart now that what looks like a problem, is really a blessing. I just need to trust. 

I pray with thanks for what I want to bring into my life, and I pray in present tense as if it's already here.  I pray for my family, friends, and strangers. I pray for those that I am having difficulty with.  I have learned that the difficulty only lies in my choice to be upset, not in them anyway.  I have also learned that I don't need to have a battle with myself anymore either. Now that I have chosen to be lifted up through prayer on my walks, the pain has been lifted too: from my heart and my feet. And now I march on!

With Gratitude,

Kerri

www.suitablegifts.com