Diet Week 1: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Over 15 years ago, after I gave birth to my second son, I wanted to lose the baby weight plus some extra weight I had been carrying. Going it alone had not helped me before, so I decided to try Nutrisystem. The food was bland compared to the fat-laden, sugar-infused junk I had previously been shoving down my pie hole, but after about a week, I adjusted to it. What I liked about it was that it helped me curb my carb and sugar cravings (it's low-glycemic, high in fiber), and in about a week I was used to the food. I also added in fruit, veggies, salads, nuts, skim milk, and tons of other healthy options along with the meals. I lost all of the weight I wanted to and felt amazing! 

So years later after putting on quite a bit of weight (I've discussed the why's in my recent blog), and trying to diet many times on my own, I decided I needed Nutrisystem again. For me, it keeps me in control and on track. They even have a NuMi app to log in all of my meals, water, and exercise. They also have frozen meals now and they are tastier. No, I'm not doing a commercial for Nutrisystem, I'm just sharing what I'm going through right now, because that's part of what this blog is about! I am eating about every 2-3 hours. I also drink a bucket load of water every day (64 ounces or more) and green tea.

I ordered a month of meals online, and I was already getting my mind motivated to trim down. I didn't want to wait the week for the meals to arrive, so I went to Wal-Mart to get their 5-day starter kit. I was pretty sure I would start feeling hungry and cranky after day 3, but this time the first day was a struggle! I'm starting out at 1,500 calories a day. In my last diet, I was only eating 1,200 calories a day, yet it was harder this time. It made me realize how much I really had been eating. But I feel determined, and I know I will get through this until I reach my goal weight.

I really wanted to stay off the scale all week, but I just couldn't do it. I had to see if I could actually lose weight again. When I was trying on my own, every time I would get on the scale it would go up. This time, by Saturday I was down 3 pounds. I was so excited! I thought that by my first official weigh-in on Monday, I would be down 4. I wasn't. Cue sad face. But I knew I was being ridiculous. A 1-2 pound weight loss per week is healthy, and 3 is more than enough, especially since it had been going in the other direction for so long. So I got over myself, and will keep going. I am also going to try not to get on the scale every day. I know how it works, our weight fluctuates all the time. The weekly read is a much better judge of how I am doing overall. 

After a couple of days on the diet I started feeling larger than I have ever felt. It's kind of interesting that overeating gave me a warped perspective on my appearance. It's not that I didn't know I was overweight, but something was kind of masking reality. My eyes had apparently been clouded over with glazed donuts and frosting. All of a sudden I saw my size and it wasn't a good feeling. I feel better now. I know how much I need to lose, so it wasn't a shock, it was just an uncomfortable feeling for a bit. I also started feeling nervous for a couple of days. My anxiety was heightened. I thought back to when I lost weight in the past and I remember feeling more anxious thinner. Which of course indicates that a big part of my overeating was to push away those feelings. However, this time I have more tools than I did in the past, and meditation, prayer, and exercise should help quell those feelings. They did subside towards the end of the week.

One of the best parts of the diet this time around is that I'm not trying to do it by myself. Not just having the structure of Nutrisystem, but I have such a strong support system right now. My husband has always been a kind support. He has never said anything negative about my weight ever, except in terms of my health. That has been an enormous gift. It is difficult enough to feel embarrassed about myself, but if I didn't have that kind of unconditional love, I would probably be 500 pounds. I am very grateful. 

My other major support are my friends. I have one forever friend who has lifted me up since we were little. We are both on this journey now with different weight plans and she came up with a beautiful way to inspire each other. She suggested we text each other positive things we do for ourselves regarding our weight loss. This is such a great way to celebrate what we are doing right, instead of beating ourselves up.  I have another friend who has shared in my struggle and is pretty much my long distance coach. She checks in and is always so positive even when I've fallen (as I said before, I've tried losing this without a program and it just wasn't working). 

When I came out of the spiritual closet a few years ago, what I was met with was not what I expected. I didn't share my journey initially because of fear. I didn't know what people would think. I ended up finding that more people felt the way that I did. Being my authentic self and speaking my truth brought far more beauty into my life than what exited. And I am finding the same here with my weight loss journey. Speaking about what I am going through has brought more support, love, and kindness than I ever could have hoped for. It is much easier to live who we are, then what we think others expect. We are here to be ourselves.

Thank you so much for everyone who has been positive and supportive in my journey, it helps more than I can say!

In Gratitude & Love,

Kerri Mulhern

www.suitablegifts.com