I have been planning to write this blog for some time now. How I write is based on how I feel. I write from the heart and when I get started it flows quite easily. When I feel blocked or stressed while writing, I know it's not the right thing. I think that is what has taken this one so long, there was a missing piece to it. Last night the final piece arrived, so here it goes!
I have been struggling with my weight most of my life. I have been overweight, healthy weight, overweight, healthy weight, and overweight many times over. I have thought about why, and there are so many reasons that I really should weigh about 5,000 pounds. From childhood abuse, stress, work overload, sugar addiction, being an empath, self sabotage, and more, I have built quite a padding to protect myself. Knowing where it stems from hasn't changed the eating habits. I really thought if I could figure out "why" the pounds would just melt off. Ummmm, no.
I'm not happy when I'm overweight. I am generally a pretty quiet person, but this tends to shelter me even more because I feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. When I am thin I feel vulnerable, awkward, and nervous when I feel that attention is being drawn to me. I have really spent time thinking about all of this, because wanting to be thinner and healthier means being able to deal with those feelings. And whatever weight I am at, I need to love myself anyway. I am not my body. I am a divine soul, as all of us are.
I have quite a number of plans for growing my business, and part of it starts in the new year with putting myself physically out into the public more. This plan has contributed to more self sabotage. The fear of success, the feeling of unworthiness and more piles on...and so do the extra pounds.
I even thought staying away from the scale would help. I do have obsessive tendencies when I start to diet, because off course I want the weight to come off overnight. I end up checking the scale way more than I should. I thought, I'll just stay away for awhile and I'll notice if I'm gaining weight by my clothes. Well, this proved futile since the next time I got on the scale, I gained 16 pounds! Yes, we're not talking a pound or two..16!!! So, I will use the scale, but not excessively.
After understanding some of the reasons why I was overweight, I prayed about it. I knew I needed help and couldn't do this myself. I needed my spiritual team to help me out. I prayed, and then I meditated. What started appearing in my life, were all the tools I needed. Health books like The Earth Diet, articles, courses, juicing websites, yoga techniques, and very supportive friends, it all kept pouring in. I read it all, I learned it all. But my weight stayed the same.
Finally I truly thought the answer was loving myself thin. I bought a new journal just to dedicate it to writing kind thoughts to myself and loving reminders when I made healthy choices. I knew that I needed a gentler approach. Worrying and beating myself up about it were not the answers. Rushing myself to lose weight was also not going to work...it never has. So I thought being kind to myself was the missing link. And it definitely is a part of it, you can't berate yourself or hate yourself into change. Yet, this still wasn't the final piece.
What I figured out after an evening meditation was a bit of a eureka moment. I had prayed and meditated on it, but I wasn't practicing gratitude where my weight issues were concerned. It's amazing that the answer can be right in front of you, but you don't notice it. I have changed so many aspects of my life through prayer, meditation, and gratitude. That has been my trifecta for change. It has helped me with my business, financial abundance, bringing me closer to wonderful friends in my life, and helping me find my spiritual tribe. Every aspect of my life that I wanted to create, I used these three practices without hesitation. I'm not sure why I left my health for last. But here we go, this is the beginning of real change.
So, here is how it's all going down from now on. Every morning I say a prayer, and the first thing I say is thank you for EVERYTHING in my life. The good, the bad, the ugly. Life is such a gift, and I am so grateful for it. How I brought financial abundance into my life, was noticing it and being thankful for it. "Thank you for the $23 I just received from Ibotta." Every little thing adds up. Every penny I found on the ground, I would say "abundance!" with joy and "thank you!" I still do this.There is something in the act of noticing and being grateful, that brings more, so much more. So in the morning prayer and throughout the day, I say thanks, live in a state of awareness for the abundance coming to me, and say more thanks. Now I will also be praying for help and guidance towards being the healthiest version of myself. And then I will let go of fear and expectation, and release it to the universe to help. Letting go of how you want the prayer to be answered allows for greater things than you could have ever imagined.
After the prayer, I meditate for 20 minutes. Meditation is such a great way to set a positive tone for the day and this is when the answer to the prayer begins to unfold. I often get ideas to help me while I'm in meditation. I'm not trying to think, they just pop into my awareness. Sometimes the ideas come throughout the day. These are gifts from the universe, and they are available to anyone.
Now this doesn't mean I don't have to do anything and it just all just appears. I will get thoughts, ideas and urges to do things that will answer my prayers. Sometimes things will come into my awareness like books, lectures, and information to use on my particular issue. For abundance, so many ideas for my business just came to me as a gentle thought. But I had to also act on it. The answer to the prayer was the thought, part of being thankful was following through on it. It's very magical and fun when you start to feel the flow of the universe. Everything is there to help when you focus on what you want, and let go of what you don't want.
And the last piece as I mentioned in prayer is gratitude. My new "healthy body" journal will be filled with with all of the blessings I see. Some of them so far are "I am grateful for having the urge to exercise and following it through, and I am grateful for feeling the need to increase my water intake and doing so throughout the day." The more I notice and acknowledge these blessings, the more appears and the more positive changes occur. Gratitude is also a reminder that we aren't going through this life alone. When we give thanks, we are acknowledging that we have the divine holding our hands.
Prayer, meditation, and gratitude can help with anything you are struggling with.
The reason I share so much about myself in this blog is because there hasn't been one post where someone didn't tell me they related to it, or it helped them. Writing is how I work through things, sharing it is how I serve. I know I'm not the only one struggling with weight or something they are trying to overcome, and if there is any way sharing my struggle can help, I will do it. I feel the same way about my business and just about everything else in my life, if I can help, I will. So I will be continuing to blog about this part of my journey, the ups and downs, and my gratitude for it all.
Thank you for reading and being a part of this. Thank you for your continuous kindness and support, it means more than I can express. Feel free to comment below to share your journey or any with questions!
In Gratitude & Love,
Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com
