Week Three: The Ceiling Came Down

After two weeks of resting my foot, I was still going to the gym four days a week. I would wear the walking boot and not do anything that put pressure on my right foot. After each visit though, my foot was aching so much that I couldn't wait to get home and tear the boot off. I tried giving up seated leg exercises, but I was still in pain. I wasn't sure if the boot was causing the pain, or having any weight on my foot was doing it. 

I didn't want to waste any of these 6 weeks trying to figure it out, so I decided to take a break from the gym and completely rest my foot. I am doing floor leg exercises and my dumbells at home, but that's it.  

But there is still the weight issue. More Googling and it looks like the people that primarily go to the podiatrist for Posterior Tibial Tendonitis are runners and overweight middle-aged women. Guess what category I fall into? After two weeks of eliminating sweets, treats, fast food, and soda, there has been no weight loss.

I firmly decided at the beginning of this week that I had enough and was going to lose this weight. What is the point of resting my foot, only to re-injure it as soon as all this weight is applied back onto it? I wondered why the podiatrist didn't suggest losing weight to avoid surgery, since it is listed as one of the contributing causes. By Wednesday I dropped 3 1/2 pounds just by letting go of a small amount of what I had been consuming. I felt a bit light-headed, but I have experienced that before when starting a diet. I figured I'm going through a bit of a detox and my body is reacting to less calories.

I didn't feel cravings for anything bad to eat. The cravings are usually my downfall.  I felt different, not obsessed with losing weight, but comfortably leaning into it. I also haven't been thinking about food incessantly like I used to. I have been able to go hours without wanting something to eat. I know this may sound ridiculous to most, but it really was a problem for me. I thought back to my Reiki, chakra balancing, and reflexology massage at the Integrative Healing Institute, and wondered how it impacted how I was feeling. Kim Krost did do some lymphatic draining on my right leg, which can cause weight loss. Could this have had such an impact on my body?

I had a day where I considered not wearing the boot anymore. It seemed to be causing me pain when I wore it for just a few minutes. I tried just using my sneakers with the orthotics and my foot was not in pain. It felt a bit weak, but I would make sure I was thoughtful in my steps, walking the way Gary Ramsey taught me, from my heel to the outside of my foot, to the ball of my foot, instead of the usual walking on the inside of my arch. After a day I had regret that maybe I would hurt it, since overall my foot was definitely feeling better. So I'm wearing the boot when I'm walking, and I take it off whenever I sit down or use my knee scooter. I also cancelled my 3 week podiatry check up. I'm deciding whether to give this doctor another try in 6 weeks, or find someone else. 

So now about the ceiling. We had a leak in the roof almost two years ago. It ended up leaking right into the ceiling in my office. We had the roof patched back then, and things seemed fine. We had some rain this past week and the leak came back even more furiously. The textured ceiling came down right onto my chair. Do I think this was just a coincidence in all of this foot drama? Of course not, I see meaning in everything. I know that leaks and plumbing issues are a symbol for something internal, just about every issue you can have in your home is really about yourself. Most everything that occurs is really just life holding up a mirror to yourself, to show you something you need to see. I now see a parallel between the roof leaking two years ago and the naming of my car Jophiel, along with the subsequent craving for yellow (both about my third chakra issues). I wish I would have seen all of this sooner. So, what does a leaking roof mean? Here's a few I found:

• Water represents the flow of our emotions, so a leaky roof could mean feeling emotionally overwhelmed.
• In Feng Shui it can indicate health issues, specifically blood flow in the body.
• A leaky roof can also mean that any negativity in the home is releasing.
• Water is also associated with our career or journey. It can mean career or life path could be unchecked, all over the place, or there's lack of direction or focus. 

For me, I know had been feeling exhausted emotionally and physically. Since this was happening in the room that I work in, I also believe it has to do with my career path. Overall I see that my third chakras issues were showing me that I needed to take care of myself before everything (the ceiling) caved in. I need to contemplate this more, so I will of course meditate, meditate, and meditate some more. 

I'm still using the massager twice a day, taking epsom salt baths, meditating, and grounding myself while using my chakra stones as Kim taught me. I still need to use the sage sticks to clear my aura too, I'll incorporate them next week. I'm relaxing, writing daily in my gratitude journal, reading, and working on my businesses instead of worrying, doing too much, and stressing. It all feels good.

By Sunday to start my fourth week, I'm down 5 1/2 pounds.I know this is quite a bit in a week, but it is my first week. I'm also not really dieting, not counting calories, I'm listening to my body for the first time in, well, forever. It is easier this way, I'm not feeling deprived, I'm feeling in balance.

Until next week...

In Gratitude & Love,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com

Week One: Mellow Yellow

The first night for me to rest my aching foot and take care of myself, my oldest son came into my bedroom. His dad had collapsed and was in the emergency room. Fortunately he was OK, but he was dehydrated and needed to spend the night at the hospital. My son needed to go visit him and pick up his car. I asked him to ask his step-dad to take him since I couldn't drive. I couldn't believe I actually said that. Normally I would forgo my health and needs for everyone else, especially my family.  I was surprised that came out first, and of course afterwards I had regrets. 

It was not an issue at all for my husband to take him downtown to the hospital. The problem was me. I felt like I wasn't being a good mom. I felt like I was letting my son down and making him feel like he wasn't important enough.  I think that's why I tend to go overboard on everything, because I want the ones I love to know I love them. I always feel like whatever I do is never enough. But feeling all of this, I didn't jump in to save the day, because I knew deep inside I didn't need to. I knew this was a test to see if I would really take care of myself. Everything would be taken care of without me.

And that was another thing to deal with. Everything would be taken care of without me. Everything could have always been taken care of without me. I just never wanted to give up control. As I was sitting on the bed listening to them get ready to head outside (and fighting the urge to hobble down the stairs and hop in the car with them), I thought about what control and trying to do it all meant to me. I felt that if I wasn't doing everything, what meaning did I have? 

Several months ago I spoke to a medical intuitive. We were talking about my weight gain and hormones. Towards the end of the conversation she told me that I was the poster child for third chakra issues. I can tell you with 100 percent certainty, I didn't discuss anything personal other than weight gain and hormones. I gave her no reason to say what comes next. But, she's an intuitive. She said I feel like I have to constantly be doing for others and I need to find another way. This describes me to a T. Third chakra synchronicities have been coming at me left and right for a long time, and I know when that happens, I need to pay attention. I didn't realize that I was being given so many signs until I spoke to the intuitive. 

When I bought my car two years ago, I wanted to name her. This was the first time I ever named a car I owned. I picked the name Jophiel for Archangel Jophiel. This was not an Archangel I was really familiar with but I wanted my car to feel joyful. I just found out through Tara LaDue's Came to Believe book that Archangel Jophiel's color frequency is yellow. 

About a year ago, I was absolutely craving the color yellow in my home. I was never a fan of yellow, but I suddenly needed that color. And I have never craved a color before! I picked up yellow pillows for our couch, a bright yellow tablecloth for the dining room table, yellow candles for the fireplace, and I felt better. I never thought about the third chakra when I had that yellow craving, but now I understand it. I was intuitively trying to heal myself. 

I started searching for the spiritual meaning of foot pain, and when I found a chart of where the chakras fall on the foot, the third chakra is the arch, right where I'm hurting.

The third chakra (Manipura), obviously represented by the color yellow, is about self esteem, personal power, confidence, digestion, and metabolism. It gets weakened by shame, embarrassment and self-consciousness. It supports your liver, pancreas, gallbladder, stomach and spleen. 

I've been thinking about the spiritual reasons behind foot pain so that I can heal this from the inside out. Reasons can include: 

• Connection with Mother Nature (not being grounded)
• Pushing too hard mentally, emotionally, and physically
• Soul is seeking a different foundation or way to step out into the world
• Needing to stand on my own two feet
• Our feet "relate the energies of grounding and manifestation of our life purposes" "they also retain the memories of the many paths our soul has trailed on earth and beyond through our previous life-times."
• Being stepped on
• Not wanting to move forward
• Can't move forward
• Can't put my right foot forward
• I need to take the right steps
• Taking a stand
• Being a support system for everyone else
• Feeling responsible for holding everything together
• Needing support

I seem to qualify for quite a few of those reasons. I am back to meditating more consistently now, so I know I will find the answer. 

A few days later I had another test. My youngest son was sick and needed to go to the doctor. Do you think there has ever been a doctors appointment I've missed for my sons? Of course not. So here we go again with guilt and letting go of control. Not easy, but I did it and my son was well taken care of and feeling better within hours of taking the medicine he needed. So I know part of this is feeling like I need to be the one holding everything together. Now I need to know that I don't, and be OK with that. 

I have been going to the gym to help with my weight loss goals, but other than that, it's been working at my desk and sedentary activities while everyone else in my household helps so I can rest my foot. I am grateful for the help because I am already feeling less drained, and my foot feels better. I also have had time now to read, blog, draw, paint, and take care of myself again. I need to find balance when the physical healing is done so I can be a healthy and happy participant in my family instead of depleting myself. I need to retrain my way of thinking and change old patterns that really weren't helping anyone.

Until next week...

In Love & Gratitude,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com

I Can't Put My Foot Down

My feet have been a longtime source of pain for me. I have had flat feet since I was a child. I was lucky enough to work for a podiatrist for a short time when I was 19. He x-rayed my feet and noticed there were some extra bone chips in there. He asked "Were you dropped as a baby?" That certainly would explain more than my foot problems! 

He fitted me for orthotics and I was on my way to pain-free living, it was a Godsend. Over the years I didn't keep up with taking care of my feet and my trusty orthotics are long gone. I would periodically have plantar fascitis, but it would always feel better the more I walked.  

Almost 2 years ago I called in to Denise Linn's Hay House radio show to ask her about foot pain and if it could tie into a past life. She told me she could see me from the knee down hundreds of years ago. I was in Poland or Russia. I was a refugee, but what was odd to her was that I was all alone, I wasn't traveling with anyone. She saw me barefoot walking in the cold dirt and snow. I have wondered since if the chips in my foot were a remnant from that life so long ago. And I also wonder what the lesson is that I need to learn that caused these symptoms to appear in this lifetime. 

The last several months, my right foot has given me tremendous pain. So much so that after a short time on my feet, I was literally dragging that foot along, because any weight on it was excruciating. I had gained quite a bit of weight before the pain, so I assumed it was from that. I wanted to lose the weight before seeing a doctor, how could he help if that was the issue? Also, to be quite honest, going to a doctor while believing that my fat was causing this, was humiliating, I couldn't bring myself to it. I imagine that there are other overweight people that also deny themselves help because they don't want to be seen. I have felt that way often. Even though I wouldn't judge anyone for being overweight, I judge myself harshly, and I hide.

I even reached out to a remote healer. She took a look at my foot (over the phone) and told me she was removing the inflammation. She said I just needed one chiropractic adjustment and I would be fine. For three days after talking to her, I was completely pain free.  I didn't see a chiropractor, because honestly it was the fat issue again. I'm embarrassed to admit that, but it's the truth.

In desperation I went to the Good Feet Store to get some orthotics. I didn't realize walking in that they weren't custom. They are a manufactured orthotic that the salesperson pulled from the back room. I also didn't realize I'd be hobbling out of the store $1,000 poorer. But as I mentioned, I was desperate. They did help a little, but I knew there was still something seriously wrong.

Finally I realized that I needed to swallow my pride and see a podiatrist. I often passed a foot and ankle clinic when I was out shopping at a local shopping center. I Googled it, found good reviews and made an appointment. 

The appointment felt like an ambush. I'm being a bit dramatic with that description, but it was odd and overwhelming.  The podiatrist came sweeping into the room with his latest associate to the practice. After asking for a brief synopsis of my injury he began examining my foot with a pen. He pushed with his hand on parts of my foot asking for my rate of pain, scribbling the number on my foot and relaying the proper medical name for his diagnosis to the associate. This went on for several minutes.  He concluded that I needed 6 different surgical procedures.  He asked his new associate for his opinion, to which he commented that he didn't agree on one of the procedures. He said the practice he worked at previously didn't have much success with it. The main doctor kept trying to be witty and how horrible my feet were (even the one not hurting), but it all just didn't feel right.  I mean, seriously, I just expected a steroid injection and some ice packs. 

He told me all of the names of the procedures but not the diagnosis. He said I pulled a tendon that stretches from the calf to my arch. I later Googled it and it appears to be Posterior Tibial Tendonitis. It looks like it can cause your arch to collapse. But my arches have always been collapsed. The doctor told me that a bone inside my foot wasn't being supported, it was essentially rolling around in there. He pulled up the x-rays they took of both my feet to show a gap between that particular bone and another on top of it The gap was supposed to show why I was in pain. When he zoomed in and compared both feet, the gap looked exactly the same in both pictures. He even commented so. 

I told him I wanted to be more conservative, so he gave me a boot to wear and told me to consider getting a knee scooter to keep weight completely off my right foot.  He downplayed the effectiveness of orthotics even thought he insisted I use them, even in the boot. He was going to give me some nitroglycerin cream to put on my foot, but he mentioned not to use if it I had high blood pressure. I didn't want to take a chance with it, but I did buy the tendon strengthening vitamins he suggested. He wants to see me back in 3 weeks. I am glad I went to see him, because I thought I might have somehow broken or fractured something. It is good to know what is causing the pain.

I continued to Google like a lunatic and found exercises to heal the tendon, instructions to use Motrin and ice, and to give it rest. It could take 6 weeks to heal, and using my foot again too soon could undo any rest I've given it. I also read a blog on someone who had the foot surgery and it sounds quite painful, could take a year to heal, and even my doctor said I still might not be able to walk as I had before after it.

I also had a wonderful call with the incredibly kind and uber talented Gary Ramsey (if you haven't read his book Bliss: One Hero's Journey, you need to get it!). He works with clients employing the Alexander Technique and provided me with healing visualizations (which have worked every time I have pain!), taught me how to walk properly, gave me additional tips to sooth the pain, how to sleep, taught me how important it is to strengthen my calf muscles, and more. I'm very, very grateful to Gary for his help.

So this is what's happening, 6 weeks off my feet. But it is more than that. Our outer circumstances reflect something inward, and that is what I will be discovering over these weeks. I will also be letting go of all of the things I "have to" do and take care of myself. I have to ask for help and allow others to be there for me. Much as that past life described, I tend to do it all alone, I don't want to bother anyone else, I don't like to ask for help. This is a journey of not moving, but nonetheless, I know I'm headed somewhere to heal something that has been neglected for a long time. I am going to take this time to meditate, pray, write, create, reflect, eat healthier, and exercise (just not on the foot!). This is a time for reflection and transformation and I'm looking forward to sharing it all with you.  

In Gratitude & Love

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com