21 Days of Space Clearing: The Final Analysis

It has been quite a journey these past three weeks. You can discover quite a bit about yourself by the things you keep. And you can watch your soul stretch and break free when you let some things go. I'm still not nearly finished. Devoting and hour or more a day to this task has definitely given me a huge boost, but there's still more to finish, and some newly created projects to complete. As I begin my new 21 Day journey, this one will continue as well.

My goal in space clearing was to free up the space in my home. I wanted the Chi (life force) to flow more freely through my home. Clutter can stagnate Chi. Clutter can also stagnate oneself. I felt like things were being blocked in my life by the stuff I was holding onto. Things are moving freer now, even though there is more to do. Since I started, a check for my business came in the mail. I found a free abundance course to take (will blog about it when I'm finished, it's pretty spectacular!). Someone approached me for a job interview. Friendships have flourished, including reaching out to childhood friend I haven't heard from in years, and a friend visiting this summer for a week. More ideas are coming to me, more synchronicities are occurring, and I feel lighter and happier. And I know that more good is on the way.

Last night I went through piles of cards: Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day, birthdays, and anniversaries. So many cards from so many different people through the years. It was another reliving of my life. Some of it was beautiful, and it felt like I was there again. I laughed, cried, and reminisced. There were relationships that have since ended, and I spent time enjoying the good times in those cards and feeling grateful for having had those moments. It is a much better feeling to appreciate what was, than to be bitter about how things changed. I felt sadness and regret for my part in those endings, and as the cards were let go, so was all of that. We all have our part to play. When you step away from it all for a time, and then there it is in your face again, it's a new perspective. Time changes things and what I once felt so righteous about, seems pretty silly now. 

This was the hardest part of this journey, and difficult to write about. But, I don't sugarcoat myself in these blogs, I put it all out there: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I saved college letters I wrote my friends. It's interesting to see who I was almost 30 years ago. What I had played in my head as a memory wasn't completely correct. Time washes things a bit. I wrote to a friend of mine about my new college in New York. I was studying advertising design. I joked about the two clubs my school had. The one I made fun of was GLAAD. I made some comment about "oh yeah I signed up for that one right away." I was so embarrassed to read who I was. I was mocking something that I couldn't conceive of belittling now. I sounded like someone who was afraid of something she didn't understand. Rather than trying to understand, she took the easy way out. I was sad when I read that, and I thought of my friends from high school who are gay and lesbian (which I didn't know at the time). How did I make them feel back then? I certainly didn't give them a gentle ear to talk to. How many ignorant comments did I make, thinking I was being funny? I remember having a conversation years ago with a friend of mine about another friend who told her she was a lesbian. I asked her why she didn't come to me about it. She said she didn't think she could tell me. I didn't understand, we were such good friends. This makes sense now. Who knows what I said out loud, thinking I was so funny. I truly apologize to anyone I may have hurt or offended in any way. It wasn't malicious, it was ignorant. I believe that all lives matter, no one is above anyone else, we are all one and the same.

This exercise has been humbling to say the least. It's not about the "stuff." It's why I held on to things. Anything that was kept out of guilt, obligation, "just in case I need it someday," or for any negative reason was let go. Everything that feels like love, joy, peace, and happiness stays. Going through memories of times with my friends and my family has made me feel so much more love and gratitude for them. It has cleared out everything that really doesn't matter and has opened up a whole appreciation for my life and everyone in it. It is a real freedom to let go.

In Gratitude and Love,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com

21 Days of Space Clearing: Week One (a.k.a What Have I Gotten Myself Into?)

I made it through my first week of space clearing, sort of. I decided to work on my teeny tiny office closet first, because this is really where the mess is. I am very good at letting things go, but everything I'm not able to let go of, is in that closet. I knew it would be the hardest, so I wanted to get it over with. I can easily clean out kitchen cabinets, bathroom closets and sort through clothes, but this is different. And I'm still not finished!

In this closet is business inventory. That was easy. Boxes, journals, pens and more are selling online, and at fairs and flea markets. Those stay, I just needed to organize them better. I went through hundreds of business cards. There were so many contacts I had when I was in marketing, but there is no need to keep them. Some of the cards were people I met one time. I let them go.

Next I worked on my craft piles and so many projects I had only started. I sorted through, and made a donation pile for anything I knew I would never work on. I made a small pile of projects to do and wrote up a list. I'm tackling one at time and will get them all completed. I already finished my meditation pillow last night. Now I'm just waiting for the weather to warm up so I can use it outside on my meditation platform (blog on how to build one is coming up soon!). 

I had tons of my sons' school supplies in there. You know every year you get that list of needed school supplies? I always bought everything! In the last two years I became wiser and more frugal!. Folders, notebooks and index cards were never used, and they piled up. I had an entire shoebox of colored pencils that could never possibly be used by one family. Those, and other excess supplies are going to the nearby elementary school for kids who need them. 

Now here's where it starts to get real. The memories are my deer in the headlights moment. This is where I stress, sweat and debate what to keep and what to let go. The amount of memories that I've kept over the years is telling me something. This is what I am in the midst of right now. I have decades of memories. There are some incredible blessings in going through this process, but it hasn't been easy at all. It has been very eye-opening though. 

I started the space clearing to let go of what is no longer serving me, in order to let in what is waiting for me. I believe that everything has an energy to it, and I have been holding on to some very heavy items. Part of the reason I kept so much was because I kept telling myself I had to. There was this guilt and pressure I put on myself. I was in essence, saying I was bad if I let things go. It felt like I was doing something wrong. But to who? No one else cares about this stuff! I don't know where this is coming from, but I know the letting go is releasing that hold I put on myself. It is releasing that negative voice. I can actually feel the heaviness leaving the closet and the weight lifting from my chest as I do this.

I held onto some things because I wanted to organize them "one day." Some of those things were my daily agendas and calendars. I had them as far back as 1990! 16 years! I didn't want to let these go because I wrote so much in them about my sons. I was terrible about keeping up with the baby books (guilt), but I always wrote down the "firsts" and many other things they did. I wanted to make sure I had all of this, but I never put the time in to organize it all. So they all went into the closet year after year. I have now gone through all of them, and wrote down what I really wanted to save. My feelings changed from what I thought was important so many years ago. I held on so tight to things I really didn't need to. But I am very glad that I saved those memories.

The other part of going through 16 years of my life, is reliving it all over again. It wasn't all pleasant. I relived two jobs working for narcissistic bosses, getting fired, working for a very unethical company (briefly), divorce, lawyers, and some very stressful times that were all documented because of appointments and notes. Stress, guilt, regret, sadness all welled up again. But, I'm not holding on to any of it, I've learned from all of it, accept my responsibility in creating it, and am grateful. And as I tossed these in the trash, I released them. 

What I am holding on to are the days when I found out I was pregnant, when I learned I was having boys, the first time they walked and talked, my friends' weddings, birthdays, and the day I married again. So many wonderful memories.

I also have a humongous pile of photos, videos, cards and my kids' items (clothes, schoolwork, etc) to still sort through. I have pile of my eldest son's shirts (school, soccer, band) that I haven't been able to part with. Every time he comes into my office, I look at the pile and say "Are you sure you won't want these one day?" I'm afraid to let go of things for their sake too. Guilt. I'm doing something wrong, I think. But he keeps looking at me like I'm crazy, and tells me he doesn't care about them. He wants to keep his karate outfit and belts, which he already keeps in his room. So what is freezing me here? I told him I thought I'd cut the shirts up and make him a quilt. Again, I got the "you're crazy" stare. And I don't blame him, I felt crazy saying it. Yet I'm still stuck. But, I will get there. And I know each time I let go, things get lighter. And I know that in doing so, I'm not only making things lighter for me, but for my whole family.

On to week two!

In Gratitude,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com

21 Days...

I'm sure you've all heard that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. Well, I've decided to use that to work on my intentions for this year. My soul is leading the way. Oh the beautiful soul, it's always guiding us towards the best version of ourselves. It speaks so gently though, that our negative ego voice usually drowns it out. The more that I have been meditating, the easier it has become to hear its gentle nudges.

I have decided to work on something new every 21 days. Immersing myself completely in one area at a time, will give it roots to last beyond that time. As I move on to my next project, I will carry the one completed with me. It's not so I will end up with an overwhelming amount to do, but rather so I will continue to engage myself in all of the favorable ways my soul is pulling me towards. Habits are easy, so the goal is to have some really healthy and positive ones.

To begin, I've chosen space clearing (also known as clutter clearing). It is the one thing that bugs me the most. I chose it because I knew I would be thinking it about it the entire 3 weeks even if I chose something else. I want to be completely mindful of whatever it is that I'm working on. There will be no guilt, unreasonable demands, or struggles during these 21 days. This is about change, but it doesn't need to be miserable. It will all be joyful. 

I don't have a mess in my home. Well, except for this closet...

Oh well, there's no need to hide it from you. We're all friends here, right? There's so much crammed in there from business inventory, crafts, art supplies, kids memories to office supplies. It's the tiniest closet in the house, but it's in my office where I am most of the time, so in everything goes!

Generally, I've gotten much better at letting go and keeping things orderly. I have grown to prefer having much less. But, there is more to let go of: clothes that I don't wear or even like, office paperwork (that always seems to pile up), computer files, emails, tons and tons of photos & videos that need to be organized, and so many of my kids' memories. The kids' memories are the hardest for me to part with, but I know I will find some creative ways to wean and organize (Thank goodness for iPhones and flash drives, you can save everything in such a tiny space!). 

So that's where I'm starting, and I will report back in on what happens. Here are some other thoughts I have for upcoming 21 days throughout this year:

1. Fun & play. Very much needed!
2. Art. I went to college for art, and over the last 20 years I have barely made time to create. I miss it.
3. Writing. Another passion that I need to be more consistent with.
4. Reading. I love to read and learn, but I want to do more of it.
5. Nature. I love being outside, but I don't make the time for it. This will do it!
6. Flexibility. I currently have the flexibility of a 2x4.
7. Something new. I want to try new things that I have never done before. It's great for the brain and ramps up those courage muscles!
8. Living meditation. It's something I have thought about for quite awhile. I don't just want to feel the peace I have during and just after meditation. I want to live it all day by being mindful of it.

I will be making lots lists to prepare for what I will be doing. I just love lists (I probably should be doing 21 days of spontaneity...we'll see). If you have any thoughts for fun, nature, etc let me know! Do you have any intentions for this year? Share in the comments, I'd love to hear from you!

In Gratitude and Love,

Kerri
www.suitablegifts.com

Being The Witness

My youngest son and I were out running some errands one weekend recently. We stopped by his high school, next to Wal-Mart and then the the gas station to fill up the tank. As we headed back home he stated "When I'm older I want to make alot of money so I can give it to people who need it." Whoah, wow! There was nothing in our conversation to prompt it, it just came out. And I was the witness. 

My older son has told me many stories of his giving. It's not because he was bragging. He often hangs out in my office after his day at college, and it is just in regular conversation. He has told me of times that he's done kindnesses for his friends and times he's given money to customers at his job because they didn't have enough. He gives to give, not expecting anything in return. It's beautiful. And I was the witness.

There have been so many moments that I have been the witness to both of my sons. I have seen kindness, compassion, gentleness, humor and more. It is such a blessing. I feel so honored to have the role of mom to these two beautiful souls. Dr. Wayne Dyer has often repeated a piece of this quote by Khalil Gibran, and it is exactly how I feel about being a parent:

On Children

 Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
That His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

I don't allow my ego to believe for one minute that the wonderful beings that they are, is because of me. I was blessed to have them, and they are so wanted and loved. I was (and still am) there to take care of them, watch them grow, protect them (hovering sometimes a bit too much!) and be their witness. The best part is being their witness. And the times they don't realize their beauty and magnificence, I tell them what I've witnessed in them. They have been my witness too. They have seen love, compassion, and honesty, but they have also seen anger, impatience and more from me. I believe that they choose the path they will take based on what they've witnessed throughout their lives through home, school, friends and the world they live in. They are unique souls on their unique path.

I also don't believe they owe me anything for being their parent. They are not here for me, they are here for their purpose. I don't own them, but I do love them with all my heart. I would give my life for them. When they feel pain, I feel pain. When they feel joy, so do I. But I don't want them to be me, I want them to be who they are. I don't encourage them to take part in sports or do well in school to stroke my ego. I encourage them to do the best they are able and try new things to find out what they like and who they are. You will never hear me say "He's just like me,"or "Thanks to me, he accomplished that." I am proud of them for them, not for my sake.

As Kahlil Gibran says, "you may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you." That's it! I learn so much from them. As the years have gone by, they have taught me so much about being a parent, the importance of having a kinder heart and calmer disposition. They have taught me patience, love, joy and so much more. I will forever be grateful for the beautiful gifts they are, and for being their witness.


In Gratitude and Love,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com

My Name is Kerri, and I'm a Chocoholic

Yes, I admit it. And in the admitting, I am set free. I have had a sugar addition since I was quite young. Candy, icecream, cookies, cake (you get the idea) have been in my daily diet for decades. I craved it, stockpiled it, hid it and devoured it.

At my annual doctor's appointment last month, my doctor went over my blood work with me. My cholesterol had dropped 5 points since last year, thyroid was healthy, blood sugar was perfect, everything was in normal range. "I'm addicted to sugar!" I blurted out. There, I said it. I needed to say it. She wasn't asking for it in the least, but I needed to own it, share it and let it go. We talked about it for a bit, she gave me some advice and sent me on my way.

Since that appointment, my sugar craving is gone. I don't think that was the only reason for it, but it was the final piece I needed. For quite some time now, I have been making steps towards better health. I have been listening to my intuition and immersing myself in healthier reading, TV and radio programs. Many ideas and repetitive signs to take action have been coming my way, so I followed them.

I have a list of intentions ("I am's") that I state when I meditate. Here are some of them:

• I am thin.
• I am perfect wellness.
• I am losing weight quickly and healthfully.
• I am craving healthy foods.

I have also been praying for help in eliminating my sugar cravings and eating better.

I have been eating healthier, going to the gym, and have even started using a hula hoop (it's a bit comical right now, but I plod on!). I have really felt like everything I needed to do to live a healthier life was coming together wonderfully except for the sugar. And honestly, I was so addicted, I didn't know if I wanted to give it up. I knew it was toxic, and at times I even felt angry from it after eating it. It gave me brain fog, forgetfulness and exhaustion. Yes, the chocolate bar cried out for me, and I always relented. The cravings were incredibly intense.

A few weeks before the doctor appointment, I had given up my morning muffins. It was a staple with my morning coffee (no sugar in the coffee, I was actually able to give that up last year). There were 4 tiny chocolate chip muffins in a bag. Total junk. There were at least two occasions where I opened a bag, ate a muffin and tasted some weird chemical, carbon dioxide-ish burst of yuk. I don't know if it was from what they fill the bag with (like they do with potato chip bags to keep the chips from crushing), but you would think that would have stopped me from buying them. Nope. Get buying, kept shoving them in my pie hole. Addiction at its finest.

There were just so many layers to my addiction to sugar. It was my escape when I was anxious, my reward when I accomplished something, it was my go to for everything. Sad? Candy. Happy? Candy. Tired? Candy. Candy, candy and more candy with a side of donuts. You can not even imagine the sheer volume of sweets I could consume in a day. I knew all of the junk was actually starving my body (even though it was ballooning on the outside), but I couldn't stop it.

I believe in the Law of Attraction. What you put out into the universe as an intention or belief, will appear. It took some time, but it happened. I persisted with my desire to change by envisioning it, and knowing that I would connect to better health. I continue to envision myself at the ideal weight I would like to be, and I know I will be that. I am not on a diet, I'm not starving myself. I just cut out the candy fest, soda, cakes...I could go on but you know what I'm talking about! Sugar!! I even made it through Halloween with candy in the house, and didn't have a bite. And it wasn't difficult for me. 

For the first time, I haven't had any sugar withdrawals. I have tried in the past to let go of sugar, usually combined with a low-calorie diet, and I was miserable. I'm not counting calories this time, but I am eating so much healthier that I'm losing weight.

Here are some points that I feel have really helped me make this change:

• Start with a desire.
• Set an intention (write it down, say it aloud...often)
• Watch for the signs (and your intuition) and follow them.
• Pray.
• Meditate on your intention.
• Live as if what you want is already here. The universe will provide you with what you put out there. Speak, think and feel like it already is in existence (It may take practice, but you can do it!).
• Feel worthy. Know that you deserve all the joy, love, peace, health, abundance and more that you want. And there is enough of it all for everyone.
• Be patient. The change could occur immediately, or take some time (as mine did). Giving up will never get you where you want to be.
• Express gratitude. Give thanks for everything. And give thanks as if what you want is already here. "Thank you for my quick and easy weight loss" etc.

I'll be giving updates on my health journey. Feel free to comment and share your journey too!

In Gratitude and Love,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com