Friday, January 8, 2016

Being The Witness


My youngest son and I were out running some errands one weekend recently. We stopped by his high school, next to Wal-Mart and then the the gas station to fill up the tank. As we headed back home he stated "When I'm older I want to make alot of money so I can give it to people who need it." Whoah, wow! There was nothing in our conversation to prompt it, it just came out. And I was the witness. 

My older son has told me many stories of his giving. It's not because he was bragging. He often hangs out in my office after his day at college, and it is just in regular conversation. He has told me of times that he's done kindnesses for his friends and times he's given money to customers at his job because they didn't have enough. He gives to give, not expecting anything in return. It's beautiful. And I was the witness.

There have been so many moments that I have been the witness to both of my sons. I have seen kindness, compassion, gentleness, humor and more. It is such a blessing. I feel so honored to have the role of mom to these two beautiful souls. Dr. Wayne Dyer has often repeated a piece of this quote by Khalil Gibran, and it is exactly how I feel about being a parent:


On Children

 Kahlil Gibran


Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.


You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
That His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.


I don't allow my ego to believe for one minute that the wonderful beings that they are, is because of me. I was blessed to have them, and they are so wanted and loved. I was (and still am) there to take care of them, watch them grow, protect them (hovering sometimes a bit too much!) and be their witness. The best part is being their witness. And the times they don't realize their beauty and magnificence, I tell them what I've witnessed in them. They have been my witness too. They have seen love, compassion, and honesty, but they have also seen anger, impatience and more from me. I believe that they choose the path they will take based on what they've witnessed throughout their lives through home, school, friends and the world they live in. They are unique souls on their unique path.


I also don't believe they owe me anything for being their parent. They are not here for me, they are here for their purpose. I don't own them, but I do love them with all my heart. I would give my life for them. When they feel pain, I feel pain. When they feel joy, so do I. But I don't want them to be me, I want them to be who they are. I don't encourage them to take part in sports or do well in school to stroke my ego. I encourage them to do the best they are able and try new things to find out what they like and who they are. You will never hear me say "He's just like me,"or "Thanks to me, he accomplished that." I am proud of them for them, not for my sake.

As Kahlil Gibran says, "you may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you." That's it! I learn so much from them. As the years have gone by, they have taught me so much about being a parent, the importance of having a kinder heart and calmer disposition. They have taught me patience, love, joy and so much more. I will forever be grateful for the beautiful gifts they are, and for being their witness.


In Gratitude and Love,

Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com

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