It has been quite a journey these past three weeks. You can discover quite a bit about yourself by the things you keep. And you can watch your soul stretch and break free when you let some things go. I'm still not nearly finished. Devoting and hour or more a day to this task has definitely given me a huge boost, but there's still more to finish, and some newly created projects to complete. As I begin my new 21 Day journey, this one will continue as well.
My goal in space clearing was to free up the space in my home. I wanted the Chi (life force) to flow more freely through my home. Clutter can stagnate Chi. Clutter can also stagnate oneself. I felt like things were being blocked in my life by the stuff I was holding onto. Things are moving freer now, even though there is more to do. Since I started, a check for my business came in the mail. I found a free abundance course to take (will blog about it when I'm finished, it's pretty spectacular!). Someone approached me for a job interview. Friendships have flourished, including reaching out to childhood friend I haven't heard from in years, and a friend visiting this summer for a week. More ideas are coming to me, more synchronicities are occurring, and I feel lighter and happier. And I know that more good is on the way.
Last night I went through piles of cards: Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day, birthdays, and anniversaries. So many cards from so many different people through the years. It was another reliving of my life. Some of it was beautiful, and it felt like I was there again. I laughed, cried, and reminisced. There were relationships that have since ended, and I spent time enjoying the good times in those cards and feeling grateful for having had those moments. It is a much better feeling to appreciate what was, than to be bitter about how things changed. I felt sadness and regret for my part in those endings, and as the cards were let go, so was all of that. We all have our part to play. When you step away from it all for a time, and then there it is in your face again, it's a new perspective. Time changes things and what I once felt so righteous about, seems pretty silly now.
This was the hardest part of this journey, and difficult to write about. But, I don't sugarcoat myself in these blogs, I put it all out there: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I saved college letters I wrote my friends. It's interesting to see who I was almost 30 years ago. What I had played in my head as a memory wasn't completely correct. Time washes things a bit. I wrote to a friend of mine about my new college in New York. I was studying advertising design. I joked about the two clubs my school had. The one I made fun of was GLAAD. I made some comment about "oh yeah I signed up for that one right away." I was so embarrassed to read who I was. I was mocking something that I couldn't conceive of belittling now. I sounded like someone who was afraid of something she didn't understand. Rather than trying to understand, she took the easy way out. I was sad when I read that, and I thought of my friends from high school who are gay and lesbian (which I didn't know at the time). How did I make them feel back then? I certainly didn't give them a gentle ear to talk to. How many ignorant comments did I make, thinking I was being funny? I remember having a conversation years ago with a friend of mine about another friend who told her she was a lesbian. I asked her why she didn't come to me about it. She said she didn't think she could tell me. I didn't understand, we were such good friends. This makes sense now. Who knows what I said out loud, thinking I was so funny. I truly apologize to anyone I may have hurt or offended in any way. It wasn't malicious, it was ignorant. I believe that all lives matter, no one is above anyone else, we are all one and the same.
This exercise has been humbling to say the least. It's not about the "stuff." It's why I held on to things. Anything that was kept out of guilt, obligation, "just in case I need it someday," or for any negative reason was let go. Everything that feels like love, joy, peace, and happiness stays. Going through memories of times with my friends and my family has made me feel so much more love and gratitude for them. It has cleared out everything that really doesn't matter and has opened up a whole appreciation for my life and everyone in it. It is a real freedom to let go.
In Gratitude and Love,
Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com
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