The first night for me to rest my aching foot and take care of myself, my oldest son came into my bedroom. His dad had collapsed and was in the emergency room. Fortunately he was OK, but he was dehydrated and needed to spend the night at the hospital. My son needed to go visit him and pick up his car. I asked him to ask his step-dad to take him since I couldn't drive. I couldn't believe I actually said that. Normally I would forgo my health and needs for everyone else, especially my family. I was surprised that came out first, and of course afterwards I had regrets.
It was not an issue at all for my husband to take him downtown to the hospital. The problem was me. I felt like I wasn't being a good mom. I felt like I was letting my son down and making him feel like he wasn't important enough. I think that's why I tend to go overboard on everything, because I want the ones I love to know I love them. I always feel like whatever I do is never enough. But feeling all of this, I didn't jump in to save the day, because I knew deep inside I didn't need to. I knew this was a test to see if I would really take care of myself. Everything would be taken care of without me.
And that was another thing to deal with. Everything would be taken care of without me. Everything could have always been taken care of without me. I just never wanted to give up control. As I was sitting on the bed listening to them get ready to head outside (and fighting the urge to hobble down the stairs and hop in the car with them), I thought about what control and trying to do it all meant to me. I felt that if I wasn't doing everything, what meaning did I have?
Several months ago I spoke to a medical intuitive. We were talking about my weight gain and hormones. Towards the end of the conversation she told me that I was the poster child for third chakra issues. I can tell you with 100 percent certainty, I didn't discuss anything personal other than weight gain and hormones. I gave her no reason to say what comes next. But, she's an intuitive. She said I feel like I have to constantly be doing for others and I need to find another way. This describes me to a T. Third chakra synchronicities have been coming at me left and right for a long time, and I know when that happens, I need to pay attention. I didn't realize that I was being given so many signs until I spoke to the intuitive.
When I bought my car two years ago, I wanted to name her. This was the first time I ever named a car I owned. I picked the name Jophiel for Archangel Jophiel. This was not an Archangel I was really familiar with but I wanted my car to feel joyful. I just found out through Tara LaDue's Came to Believe book that Archangel Jophiel's color frequency is yellow.
About a year ago, I was absolutely craving the color yellow in my home. I was never a fan of yellow, but I suddenly needed that color. And I have never craved a color before! I picked up yellow pillows for our couch, a bright yellow tablecloth for the dining room table, yellow candles for the fireplace, and I felt better. I never thought about the third chakra when I had that yellow craving, but now I understand it. I was intuitively trying to heal myself.
I started searching for the spiritual meaning of foot pain, and when I found a chart of where the chakras fall on the foot, the third chakra is the arch, right where I'm hurting.
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The third chakra (Manipura), obviously represented by the color yellow, is about self esteem, personal power, confidence, digestion, and metabolism. It gets weakened by shame, embarrassment and self-consciousness. It supports your liver, pancreas, gallbladder, stomach and spleen.
I've been thinking about the spiritual reasons behind foot pain so that I can heal this from the inside out. Reasons can include:
- Connection with Mother Nature (not being grounded)
- Pushing too hard mentally, emotionally, and physically
- Soul is seeking a different foundation or way to step out into the world
- Needing to stand on my own two feet
- Our feet "relate the energies of grounding and manifestation of our life purposes" "they also retain the memories of the many paths our soul has trailed on earth and beyond through our previous life-times."
- Being stepped on
- Not wanting to move forward
- Can't move forward
- Can't put my right foot forward
- I need to take the right steps
- Taking a stand
- Being a support system for everyone else
- Feeling responsible for holding everything together
- Needing support
I seem to qualify for quite a few of those reasons. I am back to meditating more consistently now, so I know I will find the answer.
A few days later I had another test. My youngest son was sick and needed to go to the doctor. Do you think there has ever been a doctors appointment I've missed for my sons? Of course not. So here we go again with guilt and letting go of control. Not easy, but I did it and my son was well taken care of and feeling better within hours of taking the medicine he needed. So I know part of this is feeling like I need to be the one holding everything together. Now I need to know that I don't, and be OK with that.
I have been going to the gym to help with my weight loss goals, but other than that, it's been working at my desk and sedentary activities while everyone else in my household helps so I can rest my foot. I am grateful for the help because I am already feeling less drained, and my foot feels better. I also have had time now to read, blog, draw, paint, and take care of myself again. I need to find balance when the physical healing is done so I can be a healthy and happy participant in my family instead of depleting myself. I need to retrain my way of thinking and change old patterns that really weren't helping anyone.
Until next week...
In Love & Gratitude,
Kerri Mulhern
www.suitablegifts.com
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